lousy day

Today is a pretty lousy day for me.

I brought Kieran to see pediatrician at Mount Alvernia because we discovered that his penis foreskin was infected and there was yellowish pus. Terribly heartache. Early morning, we made our way there and lucky doctor said its just skin surface infection. He was given antiseptic lotion and cream. No need for oral medicine, thank goodness. I like the doctor. He's good with kids and he explains well. I brought Kieran twice to another PD at ang mo kio. The medicine fees are expensive, he was given strong medication and yet he didn't recover. The previous time I went there was also my last time. I'd rather take the trouble and the time to travel to Mount Alvernia to see a good PD.

Then after all the hassle, hubby and I were both tired out. So was baby but he refused to sleep. Very active and playing all the time when he was at home. We cleaned him and applied medication and he poo pooed and we clean him again, shower him etc... phew... parenthood! Besides the worries, you still had to deal with the hard work. Isn't easy with my growing tummy.

We were late for my dad's birthday dinner but we couldn't get a cab at punggol. We tried frantically to get one this morning to get to the PD and it was a nightmare. How I wish we drive. So we took LRT and MRT to Serangoon to take a cab. Long queue but at least there were lots of cabs available. Poor baby was so tired he fell asleep when we were at the MRT.

We arrived one hour late for the dinner! I didn't check how late we were but of course I knew we were late. I told my dad to order drinks first and we'll try to reach as soon as possible. My sister was glaring at us when we reached and scolded in public very loudly using mean and harsh words, and went on scolding and scolding to her heart's desire. I was shocked because we did inform them that we will be late and we didn't have a choice. Today was really too hectic and tiring and there's absolutely no cabs available near our house. I didn't explain because there's no need to! Everyone knows. She said having a baby is no excuse to be late. And she said we wasted 8 hours, not 1 hour because we made 8 people wait for us. Well, there is no way to say anything back because she's absolutely right and we were absolutely wrong. The rest of us includes my dad and mom and aunties and youngest sister didn't scold us though. They are all nice but I don't know what they think.

I didn't want to spoil the mood so I tried to remain calm and happy. But it seems I couldn't contain the emotions in me. I didn't have appetite to enjoy the food. I just bend down to eat quickly because I need to hide the teary eyes away from people. But as time goes by, I couldn't hide anymore and I just cried and cried while I eat. I'm such a failure. I guess its pregnancy making me emotional or the tiring day made me unable to withstand setbacks, or maybe I'm just naturally such a useless person who cries at the slightest matter.

I thought about what if I go back to work and I met with bad bosses who scolds like my sister. It happens all the time at the workplace right? Would I be able to smile my way through the day or will I break down too? I don't know. Its not about toughening yourself up coz I've been through a lot of these tough times, dealing with people like her and dealing with scoldings from bosses, superiors and sometimes I really have nothing to defend because I know it is my fault. Or perhaps I blame myself too much?

I will try to avoid her as much as possible. I think she text me something but I deleted the entire chat. Didn't want to look at it in case I felt emotional again. Its really an upsetting day. Avoiding nasty people for as long as I could.