Monday, December 26, 2016

The extremes of emotions - Kieran

Kieran discovered that he can build a structure with lego that was as tall as he was. He was so proud, excited and overjoyed. He jumped around laughing! I could see twinkles in his eyes. He posted happily with his creation in this photo.



We brought the children to Changi Airport to see the Pokemon display. Earlier today, he told me in the morning that he dreamt of Pokemon show, and Ash and Pikachu were talking in Chinese instead of English which was the usual language he watched on tv. I showed him a Chinese version of Pokemon show on youtube and he was overjoyed. He drew these Pikachus while we were at the Airport. He has a wonderful memory. He was not looking at any Pikachu while he was drawing this. He simply drew by memory. I always thought he's more of a math and science kind of child. Now I feel slightly comforted that my artistic genes have been inherited by him as well.


Words cannot describe how much I love Kieran. Words cannot describe how much Kieran love us, and everything he love, and everything he knows and the entire World. For a HSC, they feel emotions  on the extreme. When they are happy, they are not simply happy but overjoyed, filled to the brim with pure joy. When they are sad, they feel despondent, depressed, utterly destroyed. That is why as parents, we must be careful how we might allow HSC to anticipate expectations from us.

I thought how amazing it is to see Kieran experiencing and expressing these extremes of emotions and feelings.

We had a very bad staycation experience where my hubby got sick and had to return home. That night at the hotel, Kieran sobbed silently. He told me he missed daddy badly. He's a sensible child and he don't fuss and fret but cry quietly.

When I felt angry with Kieran, I just had to think back to that night when he felt so sad and yet so much love for us. My anger will dissipate. He is a constant reminder to me that we must be kind to everyone. If there is someone as gentle and innocent and pure and lovable like Kieran in this world where we live in, human beings must not be too bad. If there is one Kieran, there must be many more.

Merry Christmas to the world. I feel the agony of those who live in despair and who suffers in war torn areas. Acutely aware of the sufferings, I cannot indulge in my joys. I pray and hope that those families will enjoy peace and love as I have, even for a short moment. I cannot imagine the agony a mother must feel if she was separated by her beloved child by death or otherwise. If Kieran was lost to me, the anguish I feel will be so intense that it will take my life away. But let God soothe your souls, mothers whose children were lost. There is no peace in asking Why. But do not let the pain numb your natural instincts to feel love and joy. The ache will never cease although it may grow to become a tiny ache at the depth of your heart, instead of a tormenting one that eats you away day and night. But that does not mean your love is forgotten. Your love will grow to encompass even more. I hope God's light brighten the path of every mothers for our journey is tough but our journey is worthwhile.