Life in Singapore

This week, everything is so much better. Hubby has taken few days off from work and he is trying to spend quality time with me. It is really heartening to see hubby trying his best to care for me.

Yesterday was tiring because as usual, we ran around to settle renovation issues. Reno is a big spending so we want to spend wisely. Furthermore, we need to be more prudent with spending as baby is arriving soon. More expenses to come!

Seriously, with the high standard of living and the cost of giving birth to and rising a child in Singapore, I cannot imagine surviving if there is more than one or two kids in the family. Rising one child is already very expensive and time consuming for working parents. There are lots of liabilities for working adults. Our flat is one big liability and the flat is not my asset, and neither does it totally belongs to me. HDB leased it to me for 99 years. So it puzzles me why they send me a bill for "Property tax" for a property that does not belong to me. That's not all, SP services (monopoly provider for water and gas) has started collecting money even before we move into the flat!

Today, I went to Tampines to buy dinner at peak hours and the crowd scares me. They don't seem to have eyes totally focused on where they are walking, and some people are always in danger of bumping into me so that I have to walk extra carefully and be very mindful of those people whose souls are lost somewhere while they are walking. Don't want baby to be hurt in anyway! Hubby's friend said that she had left Singapore for one year to live overseas, and comparing Singapore this year and last year, she is shocked to see the sharp increase of people taking public transport this year. Public transport and stations are much more crowded than last year. The large number of people, together with the unpleasant rushing, squeezing and zombie-like faces added stress to daily life. To us, we may not have noticed the difference but to a person who has left and came with a year's gap in between, the difference may be so extreme that its hard to ignore.

Suddenly emo

It's been an emotional roller coaster ride recently. Perhaps it's the hormones due to pregnancy, perhaps it's the physical discomfort (baby kicking hard, frequent hunger pangs and sudden hot flushes), perhaps the recent stressors, perhaps because hubby has been busy and neglecting time with me. Or perhaps it is a combi of different factors at different times. These 2 weeks, I'm feeling very down. I raised my voice at dad, mom n hubby several times and I suddenly feel very irritated and angry, and I cried several times too.

I've been requesting for hubby to spend more time with me so that at least that can help me feel a bit better but it has not yet been realized. Sometimes I wish I will be sick with morning sickness again so that he will spend more time with me. Now that I am well, almost every night, he has something to do, somewhere to go and if he's at home, he has some task to complete.

I'm now pregnant so I really do not and cannot bother so much about renovation stuff. I hope hubby can take the lead and do most of the liaising and running around to do things. I can discuss design and ideas and prices but I do not want to bother about calling ppl and negotiating etc. I do not have high requirements when it comes to renovation. I'm more into buying furnitures n deco to beauty up the house. I really want to look at baby stuff and really buy some if those important things before baby's arrival. But all these things are so difficult to relate to hubby. After RT, he's tired, he couldn't think about me and he didn't even cook things for me when I suddenly became hungry at night. I was so disappointed today that I have packed my stuff and wanted to move back to my parents' place. At least if I'm hungry at night, they will care for me. When I'm so hungry, I really do not have energy to cook things myself but most people do not understand. It's also very sad that I have to do it myself because hubby does not want to. So I went to sleep despite the hunger, couldn't sleep well n had to wake up at 4.30am to toast bread to eat. I felt thoroughly miserable.

Apologies that this post is full of complains. When I told hubby about how I feel, he called to show his concern but I'm uncertain that things will change. It is a recurring problem that he frequently neglects me and baby in future when he's caught up in his busy schedule. Sigh. I wish we can develop a better and happier family life and not give up family time so easily  when busy with individual commitments.

Baby's kicks

Baby is 21 weeks 6 days today. He's supposed to be 28cm and 425g. I love feeling the kicks from him because they tell me he is well and active.

I realised there are 2 kinds of movements. One kind is when baby rolls around or toss and turn, I can feel it like something rolling against my insides. In the earlier days, I felt this kind of movement most often and I often mistaken it for stomach growling. Now, as baby grows and the movement is stronger, I know very well, its my baby turning around inside. Another kind of movement is sharp kicking. Baby rarely do this but when he do it, it's much stronger than the first kind and I felt my stomach bulge up more. Often, when I am sitting upright or standing still, he kicks the lower organs and caused some discomfort. Maybe because my uterus is vertical, baby tend to be in a vertical position as that gives him more space. Sometimes he kicks my bladder and makes me want to pee!

My body is adjusting better to the changes. I learn to adjust my life habits to suit the pregnancy symptoms. Thank goodness I'm not working now, so I could sleep past 10am most of the days. When I manage not to eat anything before 10am, the nausea and vomiting do not trouble me. However, if I don't eat well or if I eat too full or am hungry for too long, the nausea came back and its upsetting. I will feel tired and bloated and feel like vomiting the whole day. That was what happened yesterday. I ate my breakfast too late. I have to wake up at 10am for breakfast or else... Sometimes, I also get diarrhea. There's no predicting when it would happen. I just had diarrhea. Felt much better now and baby is kicking me again as I am typing this :)

Appetite wise, I am eating much more and not as choosy with food as in first trimester. Its near July now, and I am moving into third trimester in August. Just a few weeks more. I am talking to baby everyday, singing nice songs and reading meaningful scriptures to him. I am so looking forward to my baby boy's arrival!

Hubby said he wants to smell baby everyday before he goes to work and before he turns in to bed. He wants to put baby on his chest and let him sleep. I am so happy that I have a loving husband and a soon-to-be-born cute baby.

I do not want baby to be the smartest, the wealthiest, the highest achiever, the best in everything. I want him to be happy, healthy, mentally strong, and with all the right virtues to become the future leader of our world. As natural resources in our world depletes, the elitist and materialistic mindset of our current generation will no longer be adequate for survival. In a world like that, our future generation has got to be more open-minded, more flexible, more creative, and have more love in their heart in order to lead a happy and fulfilling life. That is what hubby and I believe in and that is what we will prepare our younger generation for.

Mid way into the pregnancy

Yesterday, we had a detail scan of baby done at Dr Ho's clinic at Mt Alvernia. I was really looking forward to this scan. We will be able to understand whether baby is normal and healthy, confirm the sex of baby, and we can see baby for a longer time on the screen.

Baby is doing well. They checked everything from head to toe. I kept hearing him say "stomach seen, kidney seen, heart etc etc..." Dr Ho say baby is normal, no abnormalities detected from the scan. We were relieved. In my first trimester, we were asked to take further testing after the Oscar scan because the result wasn't satisfactory. It seems Oscar scan was not accurate, and amniocentesis wasn't necessary at all. We were glad we did not take the 1% miscarriage risk that comes with amnio and saved up $900+ which is the cost of the test.

Thank God for the blessing!

I am very happy that I feel baby's movement and sometimes stronger kicks everyday. They usually come when I sit still or when I am lying down.

Mid way into the pregnancy, I am feeling much better. I had headache and slight nausea in the morning. Today, I vomited a bit of gastric juices after brushing my teeth. Other than that, I am able to function quite well. I can't imagine how I live through the horrifying first trimester. I felt like I had been sick for 3 whole months! Now, I am appreciating good health even more.

Hmm gan jie and I have yet to register for yoga class and the hospital tour and the antenatal classes. We should start that soon... So far, the only exercise I have been doing is the weekly swim. Swimming is not only good for my body, it keeps my mind calm too. I have not swam for ages and when I started that last month, my phobia of water came back. Yup, I have a phobia for water. I used to have panic attacks whenever I swam to the middle part of the deep pool where water is the deepest. Perhaps I had drowned in one of my past lives? I learnt to overcome it :) All phobias can be overcome! We kept to the mid depth pool as pregnant women tend to have more frequent leg cramps and we don't want to risk it. The more I swim, the more I am used to the rhythm and the less afraid I am. It is always mind over matter. Currently, I am enjoying the swim very much.

One thing to be thankful for is that the rashes have almost disappeared. I felt some itchiness sometimes but its not serious is its not an extensive skin area. I bought a tube of the medication just in case but I hope I never had to open it. I guess the good rest, relaxed mood and the chlorine from the swimming pool helps? Kill bacteria. Haha.

With the new flat renovation starting and lots of activities for my spiritual classes, life is getting busier, and I need to manage my time and stress level well during this critical period of pregnancy. The most important is to maintain a positive attitude and an open heart. I'm sure I will not be alone in this journey. Appreciate the kindness and good company from family and friends.