weaning off milk milk

I'm in my 29th week now, and its really time to get Kieran used to sleep without milk milk (latching on to me for breastmilk).

As my breastmilk supply decreases, Kieran does not really ask for milk milk anytime in the day. He drinks formula milk with a bit of milo for added taste. We added milo so that we can coax him to take it as milo and not a replacement for his milk milk, and indeed he takes to it and requests for milo about 3 times a day, and each time 160ml in the morning and 120ml at other times.

But he kind of already associated milk milk with sleep time, and my nipple becomes his pacifier. They can't supply him much food anymore but it works great as a soother for him before he goes to sleep. That is good for him but not good for me! Imagine after giving birth to Caitlin, I still have to nurse Kieran to sleep! I'll be doubly exhausted! So, its weaning off milk milk for the afternoon naps and for night feeds for now.

Kieran couldn't get used to it and started to say "No no no!" and cried when I told him, "Come. Sleepy time, but you must sleep on your own, no milk milk."

I tried to sleep beside him and pat him to sleep but he couldn't get to sleep despite being super tired, so he tossed and turned and cried angrily, even attempting to pinch and bite me if I tried to comfort him. So we have to try another method. Hubby carried him and calmed him down by telling him he will show him the stars (glow in the dark stickers in our room) and then pat him to him as he carried him in his arms. This is not an ideal case as our intention is to train him to go to sleep on his own on his bed. But since he couldn't yet, we just had to settle with this for now. At least we wean him off breastmilk now, and then try to go to the next step which is to get him to sleep on his own.

Kieran's Childcare centre has 4 cases of HFMD since opening. Its a new centre. I'm glad the principal is very open with us regarding this. I checked Kieran's hands today and was worried to find a blister on his palm. Hubby and I discussed a lot about HFMD, I did a lot of research and reading on it, and we thought about how we should deal with it if it really happens to Kieran. The complication is that I'm pregnant now and we know in 3rd trimester, although HFMD will not cause miscarriage, and will not easily pass on to adults anyway, there may have a chance that the newborn baby will get it. And we are also worried that in future, Kieran may pass the virus to his sister while she's still young. After observing for awhile, we decided that it shouldn't be a blister but a mosquito bite because his usual bites look like that, and if its HFMD, he should be having more than one blister. I checked his feet. They are fine. He's having dry and peeling skin on his palms and feet though. I think maybe the antiseptic hand sanitiser the centre uses is too drying for his skin. I've stopped using Kirei Kirei hand wash for him at home too, and uses his body wash to clean his hands. Hopefully the peeling will stop. I also applied some moisturiser on his feet before he sleeps today.

Poor Kieran had to cry so much these few days. Cry during the morning at the school gate coz he wants mummy, cry during the afternoon when he can't get milk milk for his afternoon nap, and cry at night when he can't get milk milk before he sleeps. Oh yes, he also has a old time habit of waking at about 3-4am at night to suckle on the nipple for a few seconds before he goes back to sleep. So now, he still wakes up at 3am to toss and turn. For the past few nights, he can toss and turn for a while and then goes back to sleep on his own but yesterday he was banging on the door and wanting to find mummy for milk milk! Hubby who now sleeps with Kieran instead of me, carried him until he sleeps and then put him back onto his bed. Let's hope tonight will be better, and he won't wake up in the middle of the night but sleeps through!

Kieran is eating a lot lately and has grown quite chubby at his cheeks. Teacher reflected that he could eat a lot at school, and when he returns home, its non stop eating again!

My heart aches whenever I send Kieran to school. I hope for one day when he will tell me he enjoys school and then my heart will not ache so much. Today he did painting with his hands, and music lessons, and he told me he played with cars (he usual favourite). Teacher showed me pictures she took of him doing the activities. She said he's getting better. I do hope so! This week, he started to accept showering at school which is great. I'm glad to know he's improving much. Just hope to see him tearless when I bring him to school and when I bring him home. Now, I'm keeping him to half day schedule. I don't really want him to stay too long in school as I know sleeping on the mattress which will only be washed once a week, will increase chances of him getting viruses which may threaten my unborn baby, and he hasn't really learnt to sleep on his own yet, so it will be lots of unnecessary tears for him if he has to sleep on his own at the child care centre.

That's all for now... Back to sleep time. Super tired! Tomorrow is another trying day...

26 weeks pregnant

This is me at 26th week (6th month) of pregnancy.

Baby Caitlin is active and kicking me whenever I'm resting. My appetite is good. I'm experiencing some tiredness, and occasionally feels so sleepy that I just want to fall asleep but I can't as I have to care for little Kieran. So I just fought the Z monster and try my best for Kieran darling.

My ballooning belly. I am slim and small built and my tummy is rather small for a 6 months preggy. I have gained 6 kg so far.

Looking forward to baby Caitlin! I wonder whether she will have her Papa's eyes, nose, and teeth (which we will know at later stage...) as I wished.

Fever gone finally

I haven't been updating my blog because the past few days had been really difficult.

Dear precious Kieran was down with flu and had really high fever. He felt like a heat radiator when I hugged him to sleep. We sponged him, fed him panadol and nurofen as prescribed but the temperature continued to run high. Cough and runny nose too, disturbed him a great deal. He's cranky and sticky to mummy, and he wanted people to carry him and comfort him all the time. Seeing him so tired, unable to play and laugh like his active normal self made my heart ached.

I stayed over at my parents' place for the past few days as Kieran was unwell, I needed help especially with my ballooning tummy and tiredness due to pregnancy, and Hubby will be away for the weekend for retreat.

Sigh. It felt worse then confinement for the past few days. I missed the Robinsons sale. I couldn't meet my friends as arranged, and I couldn't leave him for long hours to go out for some me time. But I'm glad because actually staying at my parents' place is easier for child caring. Kieran is entertained throughout the day with lots of different people to talk to and play with, and he gets to go out and walk around the Neighbourhood. I think he likes it here better than being stuck with me at home all day.

Nowadays, I find it harder and harder to handle his needs. I can take care of the basic needs like showering, diaper changing, meals etc, but I reduced my time playing with him and reading to him, exploring picture books, drawing, and teaching him new things and concepts in books because I'm frequently so tired. I also couldn't bring him to the playground as often as I could before. My favourite activity now is to lie down, nurse him and play his soft toys with him. And I resorted to showing him videos and pictures on iPad as I'm too tired to do anything else with him. Usually I will wonder, oh gosh, it's only 3pm? What do I do with Kieran until dinner time?

Now he's sleeping soundly beside me. Fortunately. Today he is much better. He didn't have fever for the past 2 days, although he still has the runny nose and cough. The runny nose is getting better though.

Sometimes when I think about it, I find it pretty surreal. I'm now a soon to be mother of two children, a boy and a girl. God is kind to us. He knew I love to have a boy and Yilin wanted a girl. We were so blessed to have our small and happy family. And I'm so blessed to get help from my parents and parent in laws. Tiding through pregnancy with an active little toddler isn't easy! I'm so looking forward to the arrival of baby Caitlin. I saw more photo updates of my friends' second babies on Facebook. I thought I was pretty fast in having a second one. Others were even faster! The more I see those photos, the more I look forward to the day this little one arrives into our arms.

Baby caitlin is very active now, especially in the evening. Kieran and Caitlin were fighting even before she was born. While nursing Kieran, he accidentally pokes my tummy, and Caitlin would kick back at him. This is so interesting. I wish to see my two children interact soon!

I miss hubby so much. I miss my home too. Glad to move back tomorrow night although it also means I'll be on my own. I love the night time when hubby and I and little Kieran prepares for sleep. I'll brush Kieran's teeth, Yilin will lead our little prayer, and play with Kieran before tucking him into bed, I will nurse Kieran while daddy sings the "sleepy land" song which only mummy and papa knows how to sing.

I'm hungry again although I've eaten a lot in the evening. Well, I'm growing a baby in me! Time for snacks, and then to bed with my little precious darling.

Braxton Hicks Contraction

I had my first Braxton Hicks contraction pains at 6 months into my pregnancy.

According to my research, we are not supposed to experience pain when having this false "practise" labour contractions. Most mothers feel a tightening of the stomach muscle, much like cramp. But contrary to what is written online, some mothers, like me do feel pain when having this false contraction.

Braxton Hicks contractions are called "practise contractions" because the uterus is practising for the real labour. In the third trimester, this can be mistaken as real labour pains. There are guidelines to help us differentiate between real labour pains and Braxton Hicks contraction but unfortunately, kiasi first time mothers like me would most prob just rush to the hospital for whatever pain or indication of labour anytime near the EDD.

The first time I experienced it, I missed lunch as I fell asleep after ironing the clothes, and then I suddenly realised I felt cramps when I eat the first morsel of food about 5 hours apart from breakfast. I thought it was gastric pain but relieve came in a while and after that, I went furniture shopping with my parents. But soon, the pain came again and stronger this time as I walked a lot during the shopping. I was breathing hard and lying down on the back seat of my dad's car. It lasted for about 20min. He almost drove me to the hospital. The cramps decreased with rest.

I didn't realise that was Braxton Hicks until I had it the second time. Over this weekend, Friday and Saturday were hectic days for me. I went to submit forms at Town Council and walked long distances for public transport, went to meet friends, walked long distances too to meet them, met up with contractor regarding new flat renovation, etc etc... Then while in the MRT with hubby, the cramp came so strong and painful that I broke out in cold sweat and I grabbed his hands for comfort. I realised its almost the same kind of pain and this time, I didn't skip any meal. The pain eased after about 5 min. Thank goodness it disappeared by the time we alighted the MRT.

Research says that we can reduce the incidences of Braxton Hicks by avoiding dehydration, being too active, and keeping a full bladder. Taking warm bath, drinking warm drinks and changing positions can alleviate the contractions. I definitely won't want to feel the pain again soon. I'm taking all kinds of precautions. Mom told me she never had this until late in pregnancy when she's carrying my youngest sis. At that time, she rushed to the hospital because she thought she's about to go into labour.

I did a search online and realised that this pain I experienced was what I had been reading about but had no idea how it really feels like. False labour pain is already so strong, I'm sure the real one is 10 times worse... I'm definitely opting for epidural.

Baby's kicks

Baby is 21 weeks 6 days today. He's supposed to be 28cm and 425g. I love feeling the kicks from him because they tell me he is well and active.

I realised there are 2 kinds of movements. One kind is when baby rolls around or toss and turn, I can feel it like something rolling against my insides. In the earlier days, I felt this kind of movement most often and I often mistaken it for stomach growling. Now, as baby grows and the movement is stronger, I know very well, its my baby turning around inside. Another kind of movement is sharp kicking. Baby rarely do this but when he do it, it's much stronger than the first kind and I felt my stomach bulge up more. Often, when I am sitting upright or standing still, he kicks the lower organs and caused some discomfort. Maybe because my uterus is vertical, baby tend to be in a vertical position as that gives him more space. Sometimes he kicks my bladder and makes me want to pee!

My body is adjusting better to the changes. I learn to adjust my life habits to suit the pregnancy symptoms. Thank goodness I'm not working now, so I could sleep past 10am most of the days. When I manage not to eat anything before 10am, the nausea and vomiting do not trouble me. However, if I don't eat well or if I eat too full or am hungry for too long, the nausea came back and its upsetting. I will feel tired and bloated and feel like vomiting the whole day. That was what happened yesterday. I ate my breakfast too late. I have to wake up at 10am for breakfast or else... Sometimes, I also get diarrhea. There's no predicting when it would happen. I just had diarrhea. Felt much better now and baby is kicking me again as I am typing this :)

Appetite wise, I am eating much more and not as choosy with food as in first trimester. Its near July now, and I am moving into third trimester in August. Just a few weeks more. I am talking to baby everyday, singing nice songs and reading meaningful scriptures to him. I am so looking forward to my baby boy's arrival!

Hubby said he wants to smell baby everyday before he goes to work and before he turns in to bed. He wants to put baby on his chest and let him sleep. I am so happy that I have a loving husband and a soon-to-be-born cute baby.

I do not want baby to be the smartest, the wealthiest, the highest achiever, the best in everything. I want him to be happy, healthy, mentally strong, and with all the right virtues to become the future leader of our world. As natural resources in our world depletes, the elitist and materialistic mindset of our current generation will no longer be adequate for survival. In a world like that, our future generation has got to be more open-minded, more flexible, more creative, and have more love in their heart in order to lead a happy and fulfilling life. That is what hubby and I believe in and that is what we will prepare our younger generation for.

Mid way into the pregnancy

Yesterday, we had a detail scan of baby done at Dr Ho's clinic at Mt Alvernia. I was really looking forward to this scan. We will be able to understand whether baby is normal and healthy, confirm the sex of baby, and we can see baby for a longer time on the screen.

Baby is doing well. They checked everything from head to toe. I kept hearing him say "stomach seen, kidney seen, heart etc etc..." Dr Ho say baby is normal, no abnormalities detected from the scan. We were relieved. In my first trimester, we were asked to take further testing after the Oscar scan because the result wasn't satisfactory. It seems Oscar scan was not accurate, and amniocentesis wasn't necessary at all. We were glad we did not take the 1% miscarriage risk that comes with amnio and saved up $900+ which is the cost of the test.

Thank God for the blessing!

I am very happy that I feel baby's movement and sometimes stronger kicks everyday. They usually come when I sit still or when I am lying down.

Mid way into the pregnancy, I am feeling much better. I had headache and slight nausea in the morning. Today, I vomited a bit of gastric juices after brushing my teeth. Other than that, I am able to function quite well. I can't imagine how I live through the horrifying first trimester. I felt like I had been sick for 3 whole months! Now, I am appreciating good health even more.

Hmm gan jie and I have yet to register for yoga class and the hospital tour and the antenatal classes. We should start that soon... So far, the only exercise I have been doing is the weekly swim. Swimming is not only good for my body, it keeps my mind calm too. I have not swam for ages and when I started that last month, my phobia of water came back. Yup, I have a phobia for water. I used to have panic attacks whenever I swam to the middle part of the deep pool where water is the deepest. Perhaps I had drowned in one of my past lives? I learnt to overcome it :) All phobias can be overcome! We kept to the mid depth pool as pregnant women tend to have more frequent leg cramps and we don't want to risk it. The more I swim, the more I am used to the rhythm and the less afraid I am. It is always mind over matter. Currently, I am enjoying the swim very much.

One thing to be thankful for is that the rashes have almost disappeared. I felt some itchiness sometimes but its not serious is its not an extensive skin area. I bought a tube of the medication just in case but I hope I never had to open it. I guess the good rest, relaxed mood and the chlorine from the swimming pool helps? Kill bacteria. Haha.

With the new flat renovation starting and lots of activities for my spiritual classes, life is getting busier, and I need to manage my time and stress level well during this critical period of pregnancy. The most important is to maintain a positive attitude and an open heart. I'm sure I will not be alone in this journey. Appreciate the kindness and good company from family and friends.