Baby Kieran Sia Yun Xuan

Finally, we've thought of a name for baby! His name will be Kieran Sia Yun Xuan 謝允軒.


Water retention came at early third trimester, I guess its some time in mid 7th month of preg. Comparing myself then and...

... now.
You can see my face has gotten rounder. What's worse is that my feet were swollen so much that my comfy Croc shoes feel a bit tight, and my swollen hands ache when I wake up in the morning. Fortunately, some friends recommend taking red bean soup or black bean soup to ease the water retention. It really works! My friends commented that my face isn't as swollen as before and my hands dun ache so much anymore :)

Oh if you are a vegetarian mummy like me and you can't take DHA from fish oil. I recommend this supplement:
Salesgirl at Guardian introduce this to me when I tried to buy Vitahealth Flaxseed Oil which I used to take but they no longer carry Vitahealth. This one is Nature's Essentials flaxseed oil in vegi-softgels and suitable for Vegans.

I've also bought a block of baby soap made from Lemongrass, Olive oil and other natural ingredients without preservatives added. Bought from an organics shop in Hougang. I forgot the name of the shop. The soap brand is Yuan, made in Taiwan. I thought it'll be good to give my baby paraben free soap to use. These preservatives may not be clinically harmful to our body now but who knows about years later? I left the soap at my parents-in-law's place where I'll be doing confinement so no pictures, so sorry. I'm so not looking forward to confinement :( but of course I'm looking forward to baby's arrival! Can't wait for him to arrive! 3 more weeks (or less) to go! I'm seeing gynae every week now.

Sharing another picture:

We took this at Istana when it was open for public during Hari Raya. Security was tight but the guards were nice. Pregnant ladies need not pass through the electronic scan. They got a lady guard to physically check me. Nothing much to check though. I wearing tight fitting clothes, don't look like I could hide any weapons inside and I only carry a small bag. Of course my hubby carried a lot more stuff haha, mainly his DSLR. On first impression, Istana was beautiful, filled with lush greenery and I love the graceful white swans at the pond. After walking through the place, I think it's more like a huge golf course, and I don't think the land is used very often. The Jap and Chinese gardens are crap... They only one small tiny area each growing supposedly Chinese or Jap looking plants and have slightly Chinese or Jap looking structures but if they never listed them as "gardens", I'll think its just a small patch of land/pond. Never get to see the former President Nathan though.

Love of a leopard

Watched Nat Geo Wild's Big Cat Odessey. Touched by a part of the film where the researchers observe a young leopard killed a baboon and dragged it up to the trees. At the foot of the tree, something dropped out when he was dragging the baboon - a tiny one day old baboon baby.

The researchers expected the hungry leopard to eat the baby but to their surprise, it didn't and even protected it, taking it to higher grounds when another smaller predator tried to get close. It nursed the baby roughly but tenderly. It had a very motherly feel even though it was not a mother itself yet. It used it's nose to touch the baby baboon, stay close to keep it warm and protected. Even though the baby will eventually die without it's mother's milk and care, the love of the leopard towards it's natural prey seem to be a love on a higher level than the love it will show towards it's own young.

Big Cats in Africa are under danger of extinction. This is due to human's fear of them and thus the mass persecution, and the killing of these cats for their skin to show off power and beauty. From 50k, the population dropped to 20k. The lesser number of hunters made it difficult for them to hunt preys like buffalos and elephants. Strangely, this leads to competition and killings within a pride of lions. Sisters lionesses are killing each other's cubs and this pride lost 96 cubs since records due to this killings. The pride was destroyed, the lions no longer the strong hunters as they were before. Lioness eat their own cubs after they were killed. A natural instinct to survive, I guess. A very cruel truth for the mother lioness.

It is tough to be a predator in the wilderness. You've got to work hard to earn your meal, and each hunt is difficult. You've only got your body to work for you and each hunt is putting your life at risk. My heart goes out to the predators as much as to the preys. Nobody wants to be cruel, only for survival.

Insomnia

Today is the last day of 36th week. Last 2 nights were horrible. On Monday 3am to 5am, I had Braxton hicks contraction that lasted 1min+ each and with varying intervals. The intervals could be from 3min to 11min apart. So I couldn't sleep the whole night. Woke up intermittently to drag myself to the bathroom too. What's worse, from Monday night to Tuesday morning, I had insomnia, partly caused by me sleeping too much on Monday due to the tiring contractions the night before, and partly due to baby kicking, poking and jabbing me strongly the whole night. I guess my sleeping position disturbed him a lot. When I thought of lying down, I had phobia, really. Lying down caused a lot of aches to my back and sides. Before my belly becomes this heavy and big, I am ok with just putting a pillow behind me or lying on my side hugging a bolster. But now, its really difficult. I did all these but the aches just stay there.

I'm going to do some pelvic exercise before I sleep tonight and I'm going to try putting something at the arch of my back to prevent my spine from being stressed too much by the weight. Grrr this aching and sleeplessness really made me wish baby can quickly come. I cannot tahan 1 month of horrendous aches and insomnia anymore!

One good news though is that my new flat at Punggol Spring is nearly completed for moving in. Renovation finally completed last week. Made the final payment. I love our neat kitchen, our cozy little corner at the full length windows which overlook the Water Way and the baby room which will be done up nicely soon before we move in with our darling baby. Just now we went IKEA to get some furniture. We were rudely shocked with the delivery policy of IKEA which was not mentioned when we checked the website or when we asked the customer service officer before making payment. We were given 3 days of delivery to choose from, and after which we must pay $5 per day of extension! What's worse is their delivery timings are only from 10am to 2pm, and they couldn't specify exactly a range of time that they usually deliver to Punggol area. I have to stay at home and wait from 10am to 2pm on a weekday?! That's ridiculous! Grrr... I'm thinking of writing a complain letter to IKEA. They should improve their inflexible delivery service. It doesn't come cheap too! $55 for delivery above $300 of purchases and 6% of item price for assembly. Seriously...

Time to go back to bed again. I hope my back won't suffer too much tonight.

36 weeks and 4 days

Oh gosh! Baby is now hiccuping very violently inside me! I never like the feeling of baby hiccuping but at least it means our dear little one is learning to breath :)

Today is baby's 36 and 4th day since his conception. He is strong and tossing and turning, and kicking as he stretches inside me. I hope he remains so strong and not weaken in his movement like some babies do towards the end of preg when they get less space in the womb.

I just drank coconut juice bought from NTUC and had red and black bean soup on alternate days this week. The young coconut is supposed to help baby appear nicer with less blood streaks on his skin when he is born. The red bean soup and black bean soup helps in easing the water retention. I do feel that it's taking effect. My hands dun seem so swollen now.

Recently, I felt less breathless, and when I asked hubby, he said my tummy looks like it's lower. I guess baby has lightened! Unfortunately, I feel the urge to pee more often. Just now, I had to go to the washroom just 10 min after peeing, and I went about 4 times in an hour. In the middle night, I usually have to wake up 2-3 times to go washroom.

But I'm always always thirsty. If the craving for second trimester is food, the craving for late third trimester is liquid! I keep having to drink a lot. I hope that means I'm producing milk! My breasts feels tender, full and there's occasional tingling sensation at the nipples. These are exactly what the breastfeeding book describes. I'm glad I'm on track but some mothers are able to see colostrum (early milk) at this stage... I'm still not able to. I guess for first time moms, it's not easy for milk to come so easily. Some took 4 days after childbirth to produce milk. Lucky baby has fat reserves for 3 days after birth. I hope nobody will coerce me to feet infant formula, stating "not enough milk" as a reason! It's ridiculous how generations of infant formula marketing has successfully conned poor mothers into believing their own milk is inferior to something from animals and artificially produced from the lab. Do you know babies cannot take cow's milk and the scientists had to remove the fats and add in animal fats as replacement as this is easier for babies' digestion? Seriously, isn't it more intuitive and convenient to feed babies mothers' milk right from the breast? Not to mention the expensive infant formulas that we'll otherwise need to spend on. No animal in the animal kingdom is as troublesome as humans. Animal mothers take it as a natural instinct to breastfeed their babies. Only human beings need to go through buying the powdered milk, sterilizing the bottle, pouring warm water, cooling it, testing temperature, feeding baby with bottle, burbing baby coz when you use bottle, you introduce a lot of air (you do not need to burb a breastfeed baby because there is complete suction and thus no air introduced to baby), then putting baby to sleep and washing and sterilizing the bottle again. All these steps when actually all a mother need to do is to put baby to your breast and allow both to enjoy the unique bonding time.

I'm very thankful to my loving and supportive hubby. I am so touched when he searched YouTube for nappy folding techniques so he can help baby change nappy, accompanied me for every childbirth education course even though he needs to sacrifice work time and needs to work longer hours and put in extra effort on the following days, and read the Breastfeeding book we bought from Mt Alvernia by Sister Kang, so that he will understand more about breastfeeding and help me along when I need help.

Love hubby lots! Baby and I are fortunate :) No luxuries and material things in this world can be substitute for this love.

Although I still hope very much that we can get a car soon to help ferry baby around... I cannot imagine having to open and close baby pram while holding baby and carrying diaper bag when we go up and down a public transport. I really would just choose to stay home with baby. Unless baby needs to go out for vaccination which I guess we don't have a choice. Even now when I'm heavily pregnant, getting around without a car isn't easy. You don't always get nice ppl who give up seats and generally, the fast pace crowd at transport stations are a danger. Some people walk like zombies and some kids run around like the place is a park. Life sucks when you dun have a car. Sigh...

What to pack for hospital stay

These days, I'm finalizing the things to bring to hospital. I've written this list sometime ago and now, its time to put it into action and pack those stuff into my bag.

Nursing bras 3

Disposable breast pads 1 box

breast pump (may need to stimulate milk production) 1

disposable maternity panties 6

pajamas suitable for breastfeeding (open button) 4

going home wear 1

sweater 1

socks 2 pairs

sanitary pads (Pureen Madame maternity pads) 1 pack

slippers 1 pair

comb 1

hairband 1

towel

toothbrush

toothpaste

Anti rashes body wash (I have rashes and this is recommended by the doctor. Bringing it just in case I got rashes outbreak again. *Touchwood!*)

Shampoo (small bottle. Yes, I am not going to observe total confinement rules. I am going to wash my hair.)

Baby swaddle

1 set of baby clothes, mittens and booties

2 more sets of mittens and booties in case baby needs to stay in hospital for jaundice treatment

digital camera

documents for Medisave claim, birth cert registration and baby bonus application (to put in one folder and hubby to take note)

Gynae's letter

Hospital admission form

NRIC of husband and wife

Receipts of outpatient visits to gynae (to claim Medisave)

Original marriage certificate to register baby's name

Bankbook for baby bonus

$18 charged by ICA

$14 charged by hospital admin fee

For baby bonus, I think we will choose OCBC.

As for stem cells storage, I'm already in my 36th week of pregnancy but we really haven't decide whether to go for stem cells storage. I think I'll give the stem cord sales person a call and do the necessary stuff.

I'm so looking forward to baby's arrival! I've bought a Pearhead baby prints set from Mums and Babes which I can print baby's footprint and handprint on birth announcement cards. I also cut colored papers to fit the size of white square frames that I bought from IKEA some time ago so that I can print baby's hand and foot print and frame them up. I bought a scrapbook folder but no paper and designs yet coz I really don't want to spend money on those scrapbook items yet. So costly! Also got ready a log book to record baby's feeding time, pooing time and sleeping time.

Thinking about my newborn makes me so happy. I wish to see him in person real soon. He's an active little babe, tossing and turning and kicking me so frequently and sometimes so hard! I wish he look like his daddy coz my hubby has sharp features. Sharp nose, big eyes, curled eyelashes, dark skin and tall height is perfect for a boy.

I'm excited about his arrival and yet I am extremely afraid of the labour, especially now when I'm nearing the EDD. 36 weeks now... only 4 more weeks to go. Oh gosh... I'm feeling nervous just thinking about it... It doesn't help that one friend told me she had to deliver her son early (35weeks +) because she suddenly feel very frequent contractions and she had some spotting, and another friend when through long hours of labour, only to be told later that she must undergo Cesarean because baby's head cannot pass through her pelvis. And of course the pain of epidural injection, pain of labour contractions, afterpains, and episiotomy wound pain all make me worry and frightened. Oh gosh... there's so much to go through just to give birth. I've carried this baby inside me for nearly 9 months, and had to be so careful and make some sacrifices to ensure he is safe and well. I definitely hope the last lap will be a safe and smooth one.

6 weeks more to go!

I'm in my 34th week of pregnancy. Which means there's only 6 weeks more to go! Exciting! I'm looking forward to baby's arrival but I'm totally not looking forward to confinement. It's 1 month of pure torture to me. I'm sweating like crazy even in an aircon room now. I cannot imagine no fan and no bathing for 1 month. Whoever came up with such torturous tradition?! I'm not going to follow all the rules. It's crazy because we are staying in hot and humid Singapore. In the olden days, temperature in Singapore is much cooler, so it makes more sense to follow the rules. Not now when everyday is so hot. My mom said after she finished her confinement, she remembered it's Christmas Day and temperature is 20 deg celcius!!! Unless it's some kind of freak day, temp in Singapore will never drop to 20 deg celcius!

What have you, self centered ancestors done to our poor Earth since the industrial revolution? What have you done to make your pitiful descendants suffer so much? The unbearable heat and the pollution and all the cancer causing agents you released into our once clean atmosphere, just for your personal short term gain and comfort. I wish humankind had not been so greedy and had been a little bit more far-sighted and wiser.

I'm looking forward to taking bb home to Punggol new flat and spending time with him. There, where hubby and I spent so much time discussing, planning and decorating. Bringing baby home is the happiest. Of course I worry abt depression and housework when we go back because then, nobody will be there to help us but I think it's better than to stay at mother in law's place where I'll be doing confinement. I hate TV noises for one thing. They like to watch TV but at home, my TV was never on if I'm home. The radio and TV noises stresses me. I prefer quietness. Reading, surfing the net and other quiet activities made me happy. That's why I packed a pair of earplugs to go for my hospital stay and confinement.

I'll try out to see how this confinement goes. If it's really very stressful and there are a lot of conflicts and I got into depression or some unpleasant emotional moments, I'll not attempt confinement anymore for second baby. It's not worth it.

I find it sad too that there's social pressure for me to start work soon after baby's birth. I hope I don't have to do that. I want to spend as much time as possible with my baby, even until he's into his toddler years. Why can't you all let mothers just be mothers? Besides I'm not a person made to enjoy the stability of a 9 to 5 office job. I agree it's much better for family life but I really will get so jaded after a while of these stagnancy. I need excitement, adventures and something to stimulate my creativity every now and then. I remembered there were times I was so bored and frustrated that I plan holidays, and took up violin lessons, and thought of changing job. Everyone has a niche in this mosaic of our society and I really wish to be a creative arts industry. This has always been discouraged because I've potential to go university, I won't earn much if I study art, I'll become weird if I study too much art... All my parents' reasons. At this point, I do have a chance to right what was wrong with a tight budget of course, but it really depends on whether I can once again, take the society's demeaning glare, the disapproval of elders and the risks involved. What is a life really, if there are no dreams left to pursue and no challenges to overcome. If I just succumb to pressure now, there might never be another chance, and perhaps I will die with regrets and the message I will leave to my younger generations is that the world is a cruel and bitter place, and ambitions and dreams that do not fit into the social norms will not be encouraged. No, I do not want that to happen. I still, would like to embrace life and grow and learn, and lead my life the fulfilling way it was meant to be. I feel sorry for my parents, my husband and my future children that I am not the money-spinning career woman kind who would have benefitted them much more. But I have to make a choice to make them contented or to be true to myself. I think they would want the best for me, no matter how they dislike it. I'm sorry for being this defiant.

Today's post is more emotional than I wish it to be. I'll write about my hospital bag packing list and other baby stuff in my next post.

So long...

Postscript on 20 October, 2014 after being a mother for 3 years and having given birth to Kieran and Caitlin:
Looking back at my old post, I feel like a wiser woman reading the musings of a foolish, young and inexperienced lady. Oh, how I wish I could hug my former, anxious, immature self and tell her to relax and tell her that "look, I am your future, and your future, is beautiful is happy. No need for those opinionated musings and vengeful words. You will eventually grow wiser, and happier and you will see that happiness lies inside you and happiness lies in letting go, not in chasing dreams, not in the forms of the challenges, the adventures and the creativity that you once relentlessly seek."