Upset mummy

Mummy is feeling a little bit down lately. Everything seems to go wrong.

Well, 4th month check up, and baby curls up tightly, can't see the gender yet :(
And doctor seems bz as he needs to go for delivery, n the new assistant seems to be pissing him off, and she look pretty stressed up. Ambience isn't good. She did pissed me off last visit, giving me confusing instructions when I'm in the clinic getting ready for the scan.

Then hubby comes home seemingly swayed in opinion by his friend who's an insurance agent n who told him stuff that is going to inconvenient us as a family. I am pissed! Hubby is too  感情用事 when it comes to this. I'm paying for this insurance with my hard earned money. Why can't I do my research n consider properly? Why buy just because I trust this person n because he can sweet talk?

A life lesson I learnt is humans cannot be trusted, no matter how close you are or no matter how nice the other party is.

Can you even trust yourself? One minute you are in heaven and one minute you are in hell. When you are in heaven, you can make all kinds of wonderful promises, but when you are in hell, unpredictably, can you still honor your promises? Only the saints can do that... Jesus, Buddha, etc...

Well, mummy is feeling down also because little kieran is sick n hubby isn't capable of taking care of him at night so that mummy can wean him off night feeds, n mummy is dreading the day she has to breastfeed both babies at night :'(

She's also feeling down because she couldn't get the scrapbook album refill, n possibly buy some nice papers for making the scrapbook of kieran n the upcoming baby.

She's feeling down because she's really tired n disappointed with everything in general.

Need some love from parents, n some break from baby care. Need to go somewhere n do something while being assured that baby is in good hands.

Good night.

Good luck to me. Hope kieran's illness don't get passed to me or anyone else in my family.

A long time ago I was afraid of death n thought it a pretty cruel thing that God does to people. Now when I hear of deaths, I don't feel it is a very sad and miserable event... In fact I wonder when my duty will be done n I can go. This is how old and exhausted my soul is. People used to think if they work hard enough, one day, they will spend their lives relaxing n be free n happy. I think it's the worst illusion. We r never free the moment we are born, and we will never be released from misery until death do us part... Part from our body, but then again, who says death will bring us to a world without pains? Without physical pains perhaps but I don't know abt the rest...