Yesterday I was trying to discuss with hubby about the schedules for the coming weeks as I have several baby shower and wedding invitations to attend and I'm not sure baby is fit to attend them with us. For one, he fusses a lot in the evening and it'll be so embarrassing if he cries and cries if I try to feed him. And he still wails when we put him in the car seat for a long ride.
This Sunday I have to attend a wedding in the morning, a baby shower in the evening, Monday, another wedding in the evening, then during the weekend, I was hoping to put money in baby's CDA account for use when we need it. Next Sat, we have to attend a relative's house warming and baby must go for this one, then the following week is another good friend's baby shower.
But I am very sad. Yesterday when Hubby and I had a chance to talk over dinner, all he was concerned about was Groupon discounts and surfing the net. I haven't completed my sentence and he was already calling someone over the phone about something he read online. I had appalled by his lack of interest in what I was saying. I am interested in planning a schedule but he was more interested in commenting on other people's choice of baby shower timings. Irritated max. It got to the extend that I snatch his handphone from him in an attempt to make him listen but I guess that attempt failed too. I felt like smashing the idiot phone against the wall although I returned it to him. Later, I went in to look after baby and he knew I was unhappy but that's too late. If he doesn't care, then why should I bother? I will just make the arrangements myself and he doesn't need to be in the picture since he doesn't care.
Sometimes it pains me to see how less effort hubby is investing in baby's care. I understand he has to work. But the most he did is to hold baby awhile in the evening. He doesn't need to wake up in the middle of the night to care for baby, change diaper or feed baby. I try to let him sleep as much as possible and be as stress free as possible by doing everything myself but I dun want him to take things for granted. Does he know that other dads wake up in the middle of the night to rock baby to sleep when they wake up crying? Does he know that other dads come home to play with baby, change nappy, cook dinner etc instead of checking mails, reading news and watching tv like he does?
I refused to talk to him much in the morning. He doesn't realized his mistake. Guys will not reaslise their mistake if you tell them how wrong they are in the face. Guys will never learn. Even after he sensed that something is wrong, he doesn't know how he can make it right. He just sleeps at the time he sleeps everyday. Even though he knows my love language is "quality time", he doesn't give me the attention that I require. These few nights, it is always dinner, feeding baby and then I will entertain baby until he sleeps, and wake up in the middle of the night to care for baby while he continue on his usual lifestyle of sleeping before 11pm and wakes up for work. Its not that I am complaining about the unfairness. I just want him to realise all these doesn't come easy. He comes home to marvel at baby's cuteness while I do all the work and the pacifying.
Yes, I'm feeling very bitter, and no, I am not ready to forgive him. Especially since he isn't even doing anything to ask for forgiveness too. Taking too much for granted... taking too much for granted... :(
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