I was discussing with hubby, a few days ago, if we did not have the children, what would we be doing?
I will be still obsessed with The Sims.
In the morning, I will struggle to get up to go to work.
In the office, I will do my work, drink tea and eat cakes while I work, I will check Facebook and chat on whatsapp and gossips about stuff and complain about stuff and talk about dreams and the next holiday destination.
During lunch, I will eat with colleagues or ex colleagues and chat and discuss about life and work.
After lunch, I will battle with Z monster and whatsapp hubby to ask him what's the plan for the coming weekend. I may get into debates and quarrels with hubby over why he's not spending enough time on me.
Then there's some tea time and biscuits and cakes, when I gorge myself with sweet food to ease the stress and the boredom, and worry about becoming fat.
After knock off time, I may stay back a bit to finish up a bit of stuff and then tidy up, and then go out to meet hubby for dinner, or go home to cook some stuff and eat with hubby, or go to either his parents or my parents' place for dinner.
We chat about work stuff and gossips while at dinner. We talk to our family members about work stuff.
We make plans for holidays and check up on latest promotion.
We may do grocery shopping at 24 hour NTUC Fairprice after dinner, before taking a cab home.
We may grab a late night movie at NEX or AMK Hub because its Friday night and the night is still young!
We may spend some time chilling out at a cafe nearby and do some reading.
We may do some window shopping after work, after dinner, if we eat out, before we head home to shower and sleep.
I will buy lots of fashionable dress and work blouses and pants and skirts.
I will be able to afford luxurious skin care and facial and spa packages, and the salesgirls will know I'm their target customer.
I will buy and buy because, well, I can afford a little of pleasure and gifts for myself. I will also buy gifts for friends, and family and hubby.
After midnight, like now, I won't be trying to finish up work. I'd be playing The Sims, or Sims City or some other time management/ city management games.
Well, that's not going to happen.
Because...
Anything late night is pure luxury.
Anything that's not home cooked is not healthy (for the dear children especially)
Movie? Wait 10 years later or until we have a really good one that we are dying to watch, and the nearby cinema shows it, and the kids are not sick or cranky, and the grandparents agree to watch over them while we watch the movie, and we are lucky that the grandparents won't complain of us enjoying while they help us. Too many conditions to fulfil. I might as well not watch lah.
Shopping? No money. In the past, $10 seems cheap. Now $10 item, I need to consider thrice before deciding to buy.
Gifts for people? When I really really can afford to spare and there's sale. Other working parents buy lots of clothes for the children, but me? I just buy the on sale ones and the necessary ones.
Facial? Skin care? I put that as lowest priority.
Holiday? Dream on. I plan on stay cations for the next few years. Heck, even visiting a mall in town requires hours of careful planning.
After work, if I do work in an office, is rushing home to feed the kids, bathe the kids, make sure they are well, read them books, play and then sleep together.
I guess we'll all be too dead beat to do anything else.
Thursday, May 29, 2014
Monday, May 26, 2014
Daddy's Birthday
We celebrated daddy's birthday with a hearty lunch at Roma Deli's and Tom's Palette ice cream. Yummy! Then we walked around Bugis before going back to my parents' place. We only brought Caitlin because the grandparents won't be able to handle both children at once, and we couldn't bring Kieran in case he throws a tantrum outside due to being over tired.
Wednesday, May 21, 2014
Slow...
The days pass by exceedingly slow.
I'm pretty stuck on the romances and drama of my favourite genre, stories in the 19th century England. I watch Downton Abbey, read Longbourne and Pride and Prejudice, and I've discovered a list of this genre of books to read.
Sometimes I wonder how it is like to be in the shoes of those elegant young ladies in those days, whose mere purpose in life is to marry a man who will provide her with wealthy, or if not, sufficient establishment. How it is like to be having nothing much to do all day but to dress up and travel from country to London and back and to spend months at a place on holidays and then spend the next few months at another visiting friends or relatives, and to spend the days at tea parties, dinner parties, and so on. Life will then really be incredulously slow. Even if they have babies, like I do now, they won't be so confined and busy and tired, as the housemaids and nannies will do all the job, and they just have to rest and lament the lost figure and the perceived fatigue and the whatever stuff they have to lament about.
Oh and I'm so looking forward to the birthday celebration of darling hubby. He has been a great daddy and hubby and he deserves a day of niceties. We plan to go for lunch and ice cream, and we'll have to bring Caitlin along because after her serious fall when we left her at mother in law's place for a few minutes, I won't trust her to be left anywhere. Not the fault of anyone, but caring for a baby and an active toddler will be too much for anyone. Anyone except me, actually, because well, I gave birth to them so they are essentially my problems, so if no one else can care for them together with me, I'll have to do it, and if I can't cope, hubby have to take leave. That's part and parcel of parenthood.
Sometimes when I watch cartoons, Postman Fred with that silly black cat, Mia the Bee, Noddy in Toyland, etc with my son, I enjoy it so much and hope so much that our world is like theirs- so pure, so innocent, people don't die, don't get old, don't get sick, seldom get irritated and if there are any disputes, people usually resolve it within an episode, with a hug and a kiss and a sorry and a smile.
I'm pretty stuck on the romances and drama of my favourite genre, stories in the 19th century England. I watch Downton Abbey, read Longbourne and Pride and Prejudice, and I've discovered a list of this genre of books to read.
Sometimes I wonder how it is like to be in the shoes of those elegant young ladies in those days, whose mere purpose in life is to marry a man who will provide her with wealthy, or if not, sufficient establishment. How it is like to be having nothing much to do all day but to dress up and travel from country to London and back and to spend months at a place on holidays and then spend the next few months at another visiting friends or relatives, and to spend the days at tea parties, dinner parties, and so on. Life will then really be incredulously slow. Even if they have babies, like I do now, they won't be so confined and busy and tired, as the housemaids and nannies will do all the job, and they just have to rest and lament the lost figure and the perceived fatigue and the whatever stuff they have to lament about.
Oh and I'm so looking forward to the birthday celebration of darling hubby. He has been a great daddy and hubby and he deserves a day of niceties. We plan to go for lunch and ice cream, and we'll have to bring Caitlin along because after her serious fall when we left her at mother in law's place for a few minutes, I won't trust her to be left anywhere. Not the fault of anyone, but caring for a baby and an active toddler will be too much for anyone. Anyone except me, actually, because well, I gave birth to them so they are essentially my problems, so if no one else can care for them together with me, I'll have to do it, and if I can't cope, hubby have to take leave. That's part and parcel of parenthood.
Sometimes when I watch cartoons, Postman Fred with that silly black cat, Mia the Bee, Noddy in Toyland, etc with my son, I enjoy it so much and hope so much that our world is like theirs- so pure, so innocent, people don't die, don't get old, don't get sick, seldom get irritated and if there are any disputes, people usually resolve it within an episode, with a hug and a kiss and a sorry and a smile.
Monday, April 28, 2014
Reflections
Sometimes, in the midst of all the business of daily routine, which includes crying and screaming baby wanting milk, wanting to be carried and held and hugged instead of sitting down to explore the toys, and toddler rolling on the floor crying for attention at the same time, and the spilt drink on the floor needing to be cleaned before the ants smell it and come, and the sweltering hot weather that makes my t-shirt and stray hair stick to my perspiring back and neck, and the vegetables which need to be cut and the rice which needs to be washed for lunch and the clothes to be washed before it fills the laundry basket to the brim... I wonder why in the world, when I was still young and ignorant about the life of a married housewife, didn't my parents warn me against having children?
That is just sometimes. Definitely.
Sometimes, Kieran makes me laugh, and sometimes, I get a minute or two to enjoy a shower or a cup of tea while I watch my latest craze, Downton Abbey, or read a book. I just finished Longbourne and I realised, after reading it, that I should be reading Pride and Prejudice too.
I'm glad my hubby is helpful. Unfortunately as working parent in Singapore, its difficult to spend much time with the family. I wonder if I start full time work too, would I start to be distant from my children?
I'm feeling a little jittery today. Maybe its because of the tea this morning. Maybe I'm just not feeling quite right.
That is just sometimes. Definitely.
Sometimes, Kieran makes me laugh, and sometimes, I get a minute or two to enjoy a shower or a cup of tea while I watch my latest craze, Downton Abbey, or read a book. I just finished Longbourne and I realised, after reading it, that I should be reading Pride and Prejudice too.
I'm glad my hubby is helpful. Unfortunately as working parent in Singapore, its difficult to spend much time with the family. I wonder if I start full time work too, would I start to be distant from my children?
I'm feeling a little jittery today. Maybe its because of the tea this morning. Maybe I'm just not feeling quite right.
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
Kieran at 2 years old
Kieran is really smart. I love the baby Kieran because he's such a cutie pie. Chubby and with large imploring eyes. I love the toddler Kieran because he's extremely smart, and witty, and a lot of fun! I enjoy learning with him, cheering for him as he learns, and growing up with him!
Here's some of what we did together and the funny stuff he said since 1 Jan 2014:
13 Jan 2014 (Monday): Daddy was telling Kieran people need to eat to have energy, & asked him what do cars need to drink to have energy? He said "cars need to drink Transformers' milk milk." I imagine a Transformer breastfeeding her baby car... Things a breastfed child say!
10 Jan 2014 (Friday): 允轩：阿嬷去哪里？
我：阿嬷去外面丢垃圾。可以把允轩丢掉吗？
允轩：我不是垃圾。
哈哈！
Translation: Kieran asked where is Ah mah (Grandma) going to? I replied that she's going outside to throw the rubbish. And asked him whether we can throw him away too. Kieran replied "I'm not rubbish." (In a really innocent and matter of fact way) Haha!
8 Jan 2014 (Wed): I was putting Kieran to bed so I told him to close his eyes and sleep. He said no! And I asked him "Are you a goldfish? Goldfish don't close their eyes when they sleep."
He said, "no, I'm a shark! Does sharks close their eyes?"
That baffled me. I never knew... So do sharks close their eyes? Do they have eyelids?
PS: I googled and found that Sharks have eyelids but they do not close their eyes, contrary to goldfish who do not have eyelids and therefore, cannot close their eyes.
Early childhood is the time to be happy, play, to learn through play and exploring the natural surroundings, and most importantly, with the child's favourite person - mummy!
I read the book [病是教養出來的] written by a traditional Chinese medical doctor who is also a Waldorf [華德福] doctor in a Waldorf school in Taiwan, that children has to have enough play in childhood [孩子一定要玩夠]. Indeed, this is the time when they play to their fill, then sleep to the max, then eat till they are happy, and then play again. Why make them grow up too quickly? Why make them learn academic skills and their ABCs? If they are smart, if they are geniuses, they don't need special brain stimulation any more than a normal person. Play - that is the right of a child.
Here's some of what we did together and the funny stuff he said since 1 Jan 2014:
13 Jan 2014 (Monday): Daddy was telling Kieran people need to eat to have energy, & asked him what do cars need to drink to have energy? He said "cars need to drink Transformers' milk milk." I imagine a Transformer breastfeeding her baby car... Things a breastfed child say!
10 Jan 2014 (Friday): 允轩：阿嬷去哪里？
我：阿嬷去外面丢垃圾。可以把允轩丢掉吗？
允轩：我不是垃圾。
哈哈！
Translation: Kieran asked where is Ah mah (Grandma) going to? I replied that she's going outside to throw the rubbish. And asked him whether we can throw him away too. Kieran replied "I'm not rubbish." (In a really innocent and matter of fact way) Haha!
8 Jan 2014 (Wed): I was putting Kieran to bed so I told him to close his eyes and sleep. He said no! And I asked him "Are you a goldfish? Goldfish don't close their eyes when they sleep."
He said, "no, I'm a shark! Does sharks close their eyes?"
That baffled me. I never knew... So do sharks close their eyes? Do they have eyelids?
PS: I googled and found that Sharks have eyelids but they do not close their eyes, contrary to goldfish who do not have eyelids and therefore, cannot close their eyes.
Kieran at Playground. He enjoyed himself so much!
Eating his own meals on his new Mother's corn plate. I found that this is the best plate I can find as the individual "bowls" are deep enough to put porridge, soup and other dishes. It's not easy for him to scoop up food if the plate is shallow.
Kieran learns how to hold the pencil by himself. He explored different ways of holding it and ended up in the position which he find easy to use. Clever! I didn't want to teach him to hold a pencil because it may create unnecessary stress which can stifle creativity and remove the joy of exploring and learning something by himself. Two years old is the age when toddlers like to do everything themselves. So just let them! There'll be mess, lots of time and effort required to clean up, lots of guidance and patience, and some small accidents and spills, but who cares as long as they enjoy the process and have fun learning and exploring!
Painting lesson 1: His first time painting with brushes. He loves it a lot!
Painting lesson 2: Today we went out to collect leaves (I also taught him not to pluck leaves as and when he wants. We only pluck them when we absolutely require to do so for lessons. Respect Nature.) and use the leaves to do prints with paints. I also brought him to buy lotus stem and cut it for prints. This is the first time he sees a lotus stem.
I read the book [病是教養出來的] written by a traditional Chinese medical doctor who is also a Waldorf [華德福] doctor in a Waldorf school in Taiwan, that children has to have enough play in childhood [孩子一定要玩夠]. Indeed, this is the time when they play to their fill, then sleep to the max, then eat till they are happy, and then play again. Why make them grow up too quickly? Why make them learn academic skills and their ABCs? If they are smart, if they are geniuses, they don't need special brain stimulation any more than a normal person. Play - that is the right of a child.
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
Last post of 2013
Goodbye 2013. In a few minutes, I'll be saying hello to 2014.
If there is two parts to my life, Part 1 was before the birth of my child Kieran, before I became a mother, and Part 2 begun in the evening of 10 Oct 2011 when I officially became a mother.
Why did I say that? Because this event drastically changed me - My outlook on life, my mindset about parenting, about babies, children, about my role in this world and in my family... I became hysterical, emotional, my mood swung on highs and lows like a roller coaster, and although I had once firmly believed I was damn prepared for parenthood with all the stuff I read, and all the knowledge I have in my brains, and all the determination I have in my heart... when the real things happened, it happened like a tsunami swarmed across the beach, sweeping away what little faith I have in myself, washing away whatever false confidence and wishful thinking I once had. And so I finally declare - I was not at all prepared for parenthood. For it is not something you could prepare for. It is not something you could imagine about before you actually experience it.
Between 2011 and 2013, when I gave birth to two lovely babies, there's only one word to describe me and my hysterical, and fierce and sometimes irrational behaviour.
Lioness.
I'm like a lioness protecting her cubs. I act on instincts. I am gentle on my lovely cubs but I glare at anyone who dares come near. Every single person are potential threats to my babies, and I will not hesitate to rip off their throats if they dare lay a finger on my babies. Yeah man. And I'm so stupid to be like that.
I started off being very determined on being successful in breastfeeding. I lived in a society with a generation of elders who are clueless about breastfeeding, used to formula milk and bottle feeding, brain washed by marketers to use formula milk, and do not have any experiences in breastfeeding or even watched mothers breastfeed. But we are now told breast milk is the best gift any mothers could give their darling babies. So I closed my mind to all interferences with my breastfeeding attempt. I was extremely protective, both of my child and of my mind. If I allowed one doubt to seep through the barrier and caused my stand to waver, it could affect my determination, I may give up breastfeeding, or my milk supply may dwindle because what determines the supply is in our brain and not only our physical health. So this mindset is really useful and I really am super successful in breastfeeding.
But it is no longer useful now. Nobody questioned my ability or capability in breastfeeding now that I'm doing it the second time. Elders take for granted that I will breastfeed my second one successfully too, and I did. Problem is my older child is past the breastfeeding age. He has long weaned off breast milk (unfortunately) and he is no longer protected by the antibodies in my milk. Suddenly, I have to face a whole new set of problems. My poor precious Kieran was having influx of weaknesses, episodes of flu, etc... It was so much to bear that I locked myself in a state of denial. No, my child cannot be like that. Before he's 18 months old, he's such a healthy baby! Even if he had flu, his fever never lasted more than 2 days and he seldom had flu and stomach problems.
Many people advised ways to increase his immunity and prevent "heatiness" and ways to prevent him from catching viruses but I didn't quite bothered to listen. Because I had my own ways of parenting, and my own ways of caring for children, and if I had listened to those "rubbish" I would have doubted myself and my breastfeeding efforts would have failed, right? I was always right, right? I desperately needed to change my mindset and allow new information to change how I parent and care for the children, but I didn't know that I have to, and so I struggled a lot when I obstinately clung on to old ways of doing things.
My children and I suffered much. 2013 was a year of horror and I had multiple depressive moods. I cried a lot. I laughed a lot. I had great times and I had really horrible times. My son was hospitalised for high fever with seizure in early December and just before Christmas, he caught flu again. It was very sad for hubby and me as parents, the grandparents had tough time coming to help, especially my parents, and I felt like a total failure. My whole family fell sick. I had fever which I never had since I had Kieran. Now, my Caitlin is still having cough but we are all recovering. As I declared 2013 the worst year I've ever lived, I am apprehensive that 2014 will be another (more) tormenting year. No matter what, what will come, will come. And me... I just have to brace myself for any tsunamis coming my way.
Edited on 23 October 2014.
Postscript: It is now near the end of 2014, and nope, 2014 is NOT a more tormenting year, in fact it is rather good. Yeah! But still, a dark cloud looms over us in the form of Ebola threat. I hope we will not face another SARS. I still remember the horrible ordeal Singapore went through. Now that I can children myself, I care more about the world and our future. May God bless us!
If there is two parts to my life, Part 1 was before the birth of my child Kieran, before I became a mother, and Part 2 begun in the evening of 10 Oct 2011 when I officially became a mother.
Why did I say that? Because this event drastically changed me - My outlook on life, my mindset about parenting, about babies, children, about my role in this world and in my family... I became hysterical, emotional, my mood swung on highs and lows like a roller coaster, and although I had once firmly believed I was damn prepared for parenthood with all the stuff I read, and all the knowledge I have in my brains, and all the determination I have in my heart... when the real things happened, it happened like a tsunami swarmed across the beach, sweeping away what little faith I have in myself, washing away whatever false confidence and wishful thinking I once had. And so I finally declare - I was not at all prepared for parenthood. For it is not something you could prepare for. It is not something you could imagine about before you actually experience it.
Between 2011 and 2013, when I gave birth to two lovely babies, there's only one word to describe me and my hysterical, and fierce and sometimes irrational behaviour.
Lioness.
I'm like a lioness protecting her cubs. I act on instincts. I am gentle on my lovely cubs but I glare at anyone who dares come near. Every single person are potential threats to my babies, and I will not hesitate to rip off their throats if they dare lay a finger on my babies. Yeah man. And I'm so stupid to be like that.
I started off being very determined on being successful in breastfeeding. I lived in a society with a generation of elders who are clueless about breastfeeding, used to formula milk and bottle feeding, brain washed by marketers to use formula milk, and do not have any experiences in breastfeeding or even watched mothers breastfeed. But we are now told breast milk is the best gift any mothers could give their darling babies. So I closed my mind to all interferences with my breastfeeding attempt. I was extremely protective, both of my child and of my mind. If I allowed one doubt to seep through the barrier and caused my stand to waver, it could affect my determination, I may give up breastfeeding, or my milk supply may dwindle because what determines the supply is in our brain and not only our physical health. So this mindset is really useful and I really am super successful in breastfeeding.
But it is no longer useful now. Nobody questioned my ability or capability in breastfeeding now that I'm doing it the second time. Elders take for granted that I will breastfeed my second one successfully too, and I did. Problem is my older child is past the breastfeeding age. He has long weaned off breast milk (unfortunately) and he is no longer protected by the antibodies in my milk. Suddenly, I have to face a whole new set of problems. My poor precious Kieran was having influx of weaknesses, episodes of flu, etc... It was so much to bear that I locked myself in a state of denial. No, my child cannot be like that. Before he's 18 months old, he's such a healthy baby! Even if he had flu, his fever never lasted more than 2 days and he seldom had flu and stomach problems.
Many people advised ways to increase his immunity and prevent "heatiness" and ways to prevent him from catching viruses but I didn't quite bothered to listen. Because I had my own ways of parenting, and my own ways of caring for children, and if I had listened to those "rubbish" I would have doubted myself and my breastfeeding efforts would have failed, right? I was always right, right? I desperately needed to change my mindset and allow new information to change how I parent and care for the children, but I didn't know that I have to, and so I struggled a lot when I obstinately clung on to old ways of doing things.
My children and I suffered much. 2013 was a year of horror and I had multiple depressive moods. I cried a lot. I laughed a lot. I had great times and I had really horrible times. My son was hospitalised for high fever with seizure in early December and just before Christmas, he caught flu again. It was very sad for hubby and me as parents, the grandparents had tough time coming to help, especially my parents, and I felt like a total failure. My whole family fell sick. I had fever which I never had since I had Kieran. Now, my Caitlin is still having cough but we are all recovering. As I declared 2013 the worst year I've ever lived, I am apprehensive that 2014 will be another (more) tormenting year. No matter what, what will come, will come. And me... I just have to brace myself for any tsunamis coming my way.
Edited on 23 October 2014.
Postscript: It is now near the end of 2014, and nope, 2014 is NOT a more tormenting year, in fact it is rather good. Yeah! But still, a dark cloud looms over us in the form of Ebola threat. I hope we will not face another SARS. I still remember the horrible ordeal Singapore went through. Now that I can children myself, I care more about the world and our future. May God bless us!
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