Jaundice fear

We were so afraid that baby's jaundice will persists and his bilirubin level will go up because lately, he still looks so yellowish. You can see his skin is yellowish and his eye whites are yellowish. I was so worried that I cried and cried. My hubby too was very very worried. We consulted our friends, anyone we could think of who can give advices, read online articles, forums etc, and looked for another pediatrician to seek a second opinion. The previous one whom we saw kept asking me to feed baby water in the day and infant formula at night so I am very unhappy with her.

Hubby's aunt told us about a pediatrician that her ex-colleague recommended. I read online that he's good and highly recommended by many mothers in the forum. Sure enough, Dr Ong EK of International Child and Adolescent Clinic is experienced and patiently explained to me about jaundice and other baby issues like baby acne, white spots in baby's mouth, etc. He is very detailed and even noticed that baby's umbilical cord is not so well cleaned and clean the sides for us with alcohol swipe. Very nice doctor. Kinderclinic initially arranged for baby to do blood test again this friday. I asked whether we could change the blood test to his clinic instead. But the nurse misunderstood that I requested for baby to have a blood test done. Lucky another nurse saw that the bilirubin level is 12.6, not that high and said my baby should not be required to do another test. She went to check with Dr Ong again and he said it is not necessary. Lucky! Coz I dun want my baby to undergo another poke and drawing of blood again unnecessarily. So heart pain.

My dearest baby still is very sleepy and won't wake up for feeds every 2-3 hourly. He also falls asleep very easily 5-10min into the feed. If I'm lucky and he's very hungry, he can feed for 25min-30min with some intermittent stopping to burb or when he accidentally unlatch. My happiest is when he feed 35-40min at one feed! But that is rare. He usual pattern is feed 5min, sleep, wake him up, burb, feed 10min, sleep, wake him up, change diaper, feed 5min sleep. Sigh. When can my darling baby feed longer and wake up more?

I think I don't really want to worry about the night feeds anymore. Just let him sleep through the night since he is so sleepy. Coz last 2 nights I worried so much that I had nightmare and hallucination. Couldn't sleep well at all.

I am so concerned about his feeding because he needs to feed well and poo mustard yellow colored poo often in order to clear his jaundice. Every time I explained his situation to pediatrician, they say its normal for baby this young to sleep often but make sure he feeds well. But sleep so often and so easily how to feed well?! Sigh, the problem is my own to face. I told my hubby to not be stressed and worried like me, and instead be my support and pillar and keep me positive when I am stressed up. When both parents go crazy, its difficult to make good decisions. I'm so emotional lately that I'll cry so easily. I was so desperate for my baby to stay awake and feed just now, that I prayed to God to let him feed longer. Please God, bless my little baby and keep him healthy and glowing.

Scared again

This is pretty scary AGAIN...

Throughout the night, baby was moving around, stretching and jabbing and kicking me really hard. It felt as if he's not feeling comfy inside and is protesting! I talked to baby, trying to ask him to calm down and asked him to sleep well. But he still kicked hard. I felt sharp pain at the vagina area, perhaps due to his kicking or perhaps due to the cervix dilating as what my Mayo Clinic Preg book described. I also felt pressure at the rectum as he's dropping low now and when he stretched, he'll put pressure there. Advice from some of my mummies frens is that one symptom of labour is feeling pressure at rectum, urging us to push. I keep tossing and turning, going to washroom coz he's hitting my bladder too, and trying to feel if there's any gush of liquid indicating water bag burst. None of those happened. But I developed a headache which I experienced mildly for the past 2 days. Maybe I worry too much. I imagined the childbirth process and was so frightened by it. Then suddenly realized my breathing was too fast and hard, and I consciously tried to calm down by regulating my breathing.

I read online that during the last few weeks or days of preg, mummies will tend to move bowels more often. This is a way for our body to cleanse itself in preparation for labour. No wonder! I have been moving my bowels like at least 2 times and at most 3 times a day! I'm now 38 weeks and 2 days into pregnancy. Before that, during 2nd trimester, my bowels were affected so that I only go like once in about 2/3 days. Its due to slowing down of digestion for better absorption of nutrients during pregnancy.

Today, I could only sleep at 4+am. Hubby woke me up this morning when he wake up for work. I told him about last night and that today, I really couldn't wake up to accompany him for breakfast. Later, he came to talk to me before he leave for work and told me that Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple, had passed away. I hope Steve Jobs can find eternal peace wherever he is now. He is one great creative genius and he had created beautiful things for our world. I hope he goes to Heaven.

Today, I'm seeing Dr Ho again at 3.45pm and I'm glad Hubby is coming along. I told him this may be the last time that he can come along for check up. Baby may come anytime now. So he decided to leave office early and go with me. Its also good that he check out the new Registration Counter and Business Office because Mount Alvernia is currently under renovation and these places were shifted to temporary venues. I have yet to visit the Chapel yet which is temporarily relocated to level 5. I must remember to hand in the pre-registration form today... I wonder whether Dr Ho will check for dilation today... I hope not coz I read in forum that it could be painful and cause minor bleeding.

I can feel baby's coming anytime now and I hope he come quickly coz daddy and mummy are getting impatient! :D

Updates and some thoughts

Just realized the stupid supposed to be cheaper AMK shop cheat my money. The pillow cost only $4.90 at NTUC, they charge $10.90! Grrr I'm seriously not going back there anymore.

Btw, add in baby thermometer to the to buy list.

Having a baby is so expensive! Haiz. I'm glad hubby forces us both to save up more since we decided to settle down. I'm happy that from wedding to buying first flat to baby, we use our own money and never had to borrow from anyone.

I remembered only drawing $80 from the bank last week and now, I have $0 in my wallet again. Groan... I really must save up much more and stop indulging in more expensive food and transport. But haiz, the hot weather really tempts me to take a cab instead of waiting for the bus and train.

Childbirth education at Mt Alvernia

Today, I went for the physiotherapy course at Mt Alvernia. It is part of the childbirth education workshop we signed up for. Today's lesson is great. The friendly physiotherapist taught us about positions and breathing techniques we should adopt during different stages of labour. I asked her about the pain where my uterus hit the ribs. She said it should not be due to the stomach muscles straining. It should be due to baby/uterus pressing on my ribs. I guess she's right because when I lie down or stretch that area, the pain lessens. When I lie on my left because I heard that lying on left is better for baby, the area hurts because its the left side that hurts. When I lie on my right, the pain goes away. So it must be the uterus pressure relieved from the ribs when I lie on my right. I asked her for any exercise to help. She said I just have to wait until the pressure is gone which means when baby is no longer applying pressure on the area. I guess when lightening (baby dropping lower down into the pelvic area) occurs, the area will be more relieved of pressure and of course pain. I will also do more stretching that the yoga teacher teaches. Helps in alleviating the pain too.

Myths about breastfeeding

I realized many people have lots of things to say about breastfeeding which may not be the best for mummy and baby. Mother in law's friend told her that I should start to massage and press on my nipples now until liquid appears at the milk duct holes on the aerola so as to prepare the breasts for breast-feeding later on. On the contrary, if I stimulate my breasts, it will cause contractions and subsequently, premature birth of baby. I have to clarify this to MIL!

The friend also told her that its good to feed baby with formula milk at night so that mummy can rest and not have to wake up to breastfeed. I firmly told MIL that I won't! Lucky I have a very understanding MIL who doesn't only listen to what her friend(s) advises. I told her I don't mind waking up every 2-3 hours to breastfeed as long as this ensures my baby gets total breast milk. Formula milk can never replace breast milk. I explained to her that if I supplement with formula milk, my milk supply will decrease, I may get engorgement if milk is not expressed and baby will be very full on formula milk to ask for more breast milk. Ultimately, my breastmilk production will decrease and there will be no more for baby. Personally, I will kill anyone who suggest I supplement or replace with formula milk. I hope the nurse at Mt Alvernia will understand and bring baby to me for breastfeeding right after delivery and cleaning up. I heard that if baby is breastfed within 24hrs, he tends to remember the sucking action better and will latch on better.

MIL say baby needs water. But a baby on total breastfeed does not need water. Oh well, I told her a little bit is ok but when I bring baby home, I won't feed him any water. Feeding water to baby will cause him to feel artificially full and he won't be sucking breast milk and thus, won't get enough nutrients. I hope she won't keep thinking of giving baby water every time she feels he needs to. Baby's stomach is different from adult's. We are thirsty and requires water often doesn't mean baby needs water too.

I forgot to tell MIL that I intend to not breastfeed on schedule but on demand. That's why hubby and I bought a baby cot cum play pen for him to sleep in so that I can feed him while resting in the day or at night, whenever he wants to. Its too tiring to get out of bed and stoop down to hold baby up and breastfeed if he sleeps on mattress on the floor.

Yao lan causes brain damage?

MIL and my mom also heard from friends and TV programmes that if baby sleep in Yao Lan, baby will get brain damage. I would like to say that I won't rock baby like he's in a roller coaster, and I won't be letting him sleep in Yao Lan all night. Baby will ultimately still be sleeping on mattress. The Yao Lan is only for afternoon naps, or drinking milk/water from bottles when he is much older. So he won't get excessive rocking and he won't be brain damaged. Seriously, all 3 of us, my sisters and I slept in Yao Lan and we are all graduates. What brain damage?! I do agree that we cannot let baby sleep in Yao lan and rock him all night with the motor rocker. But I dun think people do that really. My parents never do that. Yao lan is only for day time naps. The cot, also, will only be a temporary measure because baby outgrows cot very fast. Its only for my convenience when I do breastfeeding for first 6 months. When baby is 6 months old, he can learn to eat solids already and dun have to breastfeed so often in the middle of the night.

Worries and fears

I really hope I can be a good mother to my baby. I am such an opinionated person... the inconvenience of confinement also will make me quick tempered... I'm the kind who will snap at people if I feel hot and sticky. So, I hope no unhappiness with happen during my confinement, especially since I'm doing confinement at parents in law's house. Sigh. Not the perfect option for me. I wish I dun have to do confinement because I like to be in control and during confinement, everyone will insists I rest and that means I can't be in control. Grrr... ok, I need to learn to relax... I dun think I'll ever leave my baby's side! Can't imagine I'm expected to rest at another room while MIL sleep with baby at another room. True that confinement is a time for mothers to rest after delivery but I think I'll hope it will end soon and I can bring baby home, and be in control of everything all over again. I seriously think I am at risk of post-natal blues or anxiety or something like that.

P/S: Two incidences that proves pregnant women's brain turn to jelly during pregnancy:

1. I forgot to take money from ATM after withdrawing. Lucky I remembered to take my card.

2. I was typing this post and when I wanted to type "course" I typed "cause", thought it was wrong spelling, deleted and suddenly forgot how to spell "course" until much later... -.-"