On sunny Saturday, we went to give mooncakes to our relatives, visit my mother in law, and let the children enjoy playing sand and playground at park near her flat. We enjoyed our day thoroughly. My brother in law drove us home. Hubby showed brother in law his new curved computer monitor. I made a DIY lantern with Kieran. At night, I hugged both my little ones to sleep.
On Sunday, we went to watch Paw Patrol live at City Square Mall, ate ice cream waffle, drink Chamomile tea, bought Iron man shirt and pants for Kieran whose pee got onto his clothes when daddy brought him to pee (I’m going to be the one to bring him to the toilet, next time we go out), bought Frisbee and swimsuit and googles for the children at Decathlon, went home for recharge and dinner, then for lantern festival organized by RC (Residential Committee). Lanterns of all shapes and colours and music light up the way. Little Caitlin was frightened when we walked along the Waterway carrying lanterns. She said the water was black and the sky was black. I carried her and spoke to her as we walk. She needed me and my closeness reassured her. She threw a big tantrum when we stop by a café to rest. She was angry that the Milo was hot, angry that I drank her Milo and angry with basically everything. She was overtired. Daddy took her aside and spoke to her firmly. Kieran cried. He tried to cover daddy’s mouth when he was speaking firmly to Caitlin. I took him away and he cried, saying that he need to go and save his sister. So both stood and cried together. It was hilarious. Hubby and I laughed despite feeling hot and frustrated.
On the way home, Caitlin had fallen asleep and we tried to keep her asleep but she woke up as we wiped her down. She giggled and played with Kieran for a while before they finally become sleepy. Kieran said he was so tired, he felt giddy. He lay beside me in bed and talked to me tiredly. Caitlin has fallen asleep. I told him to go to sleep and he would feel better tomorrow morning. He turned around to hug his bolster. I kissed his cheek and said goodnight. He hugged me and fell asleep. That was an ordinarily magical night.
On cool and breezy Monday, which is a public holiday, we woke up late, and we went to visit the children’s grand aunt at her condominium. We went swimming with the new swim suit and googles that we bought. The children both love and fear the water. Caitlin accidentally fell into the water and I scooped her up almost immediately. I read up on silent drowning and dry drowning and I’m certainly not going to take chances. I am going to keep my eyes on both as much as I could. Their gleeful faces and surprise at the almost novel experience in the water were recorded as the most pleasant memory in my mind. The memory isn’t all pleasant for Caitlin who whispered to me at night that she does not want to go swimming. Right after we pulled them out of the water to go for lunch, she had happily announced that she want to come back swimming again. I told her, “That’s because you are sad now, so you remembered the sad things about swimming. You are sad because mummy scolded you for scratching gor gor, and this made you think about sad things like falling into the water and having water in your nose during the swim. Not all that happened are sad. I caught you quickly when you fell and I hugged you tight. Remember?” I saw her lips moved up slightly in a smile, and I imagined her remembering the fun and the hug. I kissed her goodnight.
She had scratched Kieran because he was talking beside her on the bed, and she was in a bad mood. I put her in the naughty corner and hugged poor Kieran. Kieran told me to go and hug Mei mei because she was crying. I asked him does it still hurt. He said no. I asked him whether his heart hurts. He said yes. I told Mei mei, “You should not hit people or scratch people even if you are very angry. You can can voice out that you are angry but you cannot hit. When the pain goes away, the heart will still hurt. The hurt in the heart don’t go away quickly.” Kieran understood that I understand and he felt much better. I don’t know whether Mei Mei understood but I hope one day she will, and she will learn to control her temper.
We do not deal violence with violence. We don’t act on impulses. Because we are adults, we are the role models. We manage violence with love and compassion. Children’s brains are constantly learning and wiring and re-wiring to learn the ropes of the world. They have to learn through us that kind words and actions are what heals, not enforcement, punishment and violence.
I hugged both children to sleep. Mei mei was woken up by frightening nightmares a few times. I held her in my arms and she fell asleep, reassured. The nights with my beloved children are the most treasured and important. Daddy and I stressed to complete our pre-bedtime routine – the oatmilk, the brushing of teeth, changing of PJs, the 5 min allowance to play, the pee and poo, etc. Then bedtime is the magical moment. We read stories, we conjured our own stories, we chatted, we sang, we whispered secrets to each other.
I see from their eyes that they need me, they want me, they are with me, and those are enough reasons to go on.
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