Birthday

Today is my birthday.

Yesterday I had seen the gynae. I asked him about whether breastfeeding Kieran will affect my unborn fetus negatively. The answer is no, I'm free to continue breastfeeding. He did hint to me that many mothers find it difficult to tandem breastfeed both babies and may give up breastfeeding the second one.

I asked him if I could reduce the frequency of the iron pills as the iron is affecting Kieran as well, making his stools blackish, soft and difficult to pass out. He said it's better to continue and he asked if I would sacrifice benefits for the second child to give the best for the first. Oh well, I'm pretty tempted to say yes... (sorry, baby in my tummy) because the soft poo makes life a bit miserable for all of us. I still won't take the pills often though. I hated iron pills and even though the doctor wanted me to take it during breastfeeding, I never took it.

I asked for medication for my runny nose and the medicine gave me dizziness 2 hours after popping it. I didn't go to my parents place for dinner because of that so I'm definitely skipping this pill during the Chinese New Year celebrations. Otherwise, I will be sleeping throughout or be super dazed wherever I go.

Today, baby number two is approximately 12 weeks old. I must admit that until this point of time, I'm still a little bit reluctant to accept it's existence. Anyway anything can happen during the first trimester right? Many people miscarry. Maybe I'll miscarry too? With the major illness when baby was little, and the huge weight lost (I'm 40kg now by the way, the lightest I've ever been since I'm an adult), the reduction in morning sickness, the walking, the housework, strenous activity and having to carry my 9kg son around, my chances will be increased? But no. And here I am, entering into the second trimester. Baby is safe and sound. The second time I saw baby on the scan, I didn't feel much compared to the first. Just wanted to know if it's well and safe.

Let's give second baby a name so that I don't have to call it second baby all the time. Let's call it Caitlin as I'd love to have a girl and I'll name her this when she's born.

Today is the eve of Chinese New Year when we will be going to my parents and my in law's house for reunion dinners. I don't have a very visible baby bump yet, which is surprising since its my second pregnancy and I expect it to be bigger earlier, but it's good it hasn't shown as I could wear the nice new clothes I've bought for the new year. Hubby insisted on buying a cake to celebrate my birthday even though I said I didn't want it. He will be collecting it from a far away place tomorrow morning, as it's a my favourite cake shop. Sigh I really hate to celebrate my birthday this year. It's a pretty bad start of a year for me and I do predict more hardships ahead. It's depressing to think about this year.

What do I hope for this year?
That my Caitlin will really turn out to be a girl. We'll know in about 2 months down the road. April, I guess?
That Caitlin will have eyes, nose, ears and mouth like papa, basically, just look like her papa.
That I will have a fast and smooth delivery. (no caesarean, please!)
That tandem breastfeedding both babes will go on well.
That my parents can be able to look after both my children when Caitlin is born.
That I can find a good job with nearby workplace, reasonably nice colleagues and reasonably good pay. I don't ask for much. Just enough for my family to survive. In Singapore where wages are artificially depressed by our government who is excessively importing foreign cheap labours, what more can we locals expect?
That hubby's company increases his pay.

Basically this year is a surviving year. If we can survive, I am more than happy. There's really nothing much that I can ask for. No dreams, no ambitions, no hopes. Merely to survive.

Hubby applied for a post overseas but I doubt he will get it and if he does, it won't be a good time for me to go either, with the growing tummy, demanding Kieran and all those tiredness. Long flights and adapting to massive life changes isn't good for pregnant ladies too. Although it really would be good if we could get the chance to experience life overseas and give our children a chance to choose if they will prefer city life or the greener and cleaner air in a suburbs. But like I say, this year is no year for dreams. Even if we decide to leave, we still must focus on the practical solutions.

Gosh the flu med didn't help much and I'm still blowing my nose like crazy. Going to eat something to ease the hunger and then head back to bed. I heard Kieran stirring in his sleep. He may want this milk milk soon.

P/S: Kieran is starting to walk and he made his first unassisted baby steps on 7 Feb 2013 (Thursday) at my parents' place in full witness of his maternal grandparents, his mummy and papa.