The extremes of emotions - Kieran

Kieran discovered that he can build a structure with lego that was as tall as he was. He was so proud, excited and overjoyed. He jumped around laughing! I could see twinkles in his eyes. He posted happily with his creation in this photo.

We brought the children to Changi Airport to see the Pokemon display. Earlier today, he told me in the morning that he dreamt of Pokemon show, and Ash and Pikachu were talking in Chinese instead of English which was the usual language he watched on tv. I showed him a Chinese version of Pokemon show on youtube and he was overjoyed. He drew these Pikachus while we were at the Airport. He has a wonderful memory. He was not looking at any Pikachu while he was drawing this. He simply drew by memory. I always thought he's more of a math and science kind of child. Now I feel slightly comforted that my artistic genes have been inherited by him as well.

Words cannot describe how much I love Kieran. Words cannot describe how much Kieran love us, and everything he love, and everything he knows and the entire World. For a HSC, they feel emotions  on the extreme. When they are happy, they are not simply happy but overjoyed, filled to the brim with pure joy. When they are sad, they feel despondent, depressed, utterly destroyed. That is why as parents, we must be careful how we might allow HSC to anticipate expectations from us.

I thought how amazing it is to see Kieran experiencing and expressing these extremes of emotions and feelings.

We had a very bad staycation experience where my hubby got sick and had to return home. That night at the hotel, Kieran sobbed silently. He told me he missed daddy badly. He's a sensible child and he don't fuss and fret but cry quietly.

When I felt angry with Kieran, I just had to think back to that night when he felt so sad and yet so much love for us. My anger will dissipate. He is a constant reminder to me that we must be kind to everyone. If there is someone as gentle and innocent and pure and lovable like Kieran in this world where we live in, human beings must not be too bad. If there is one Kieran, there must be many more.

Merry Christmas to the world. I feel the agony of those who live in despair and who suffers in war torn areas. Acutely aware of the sufferings, I cannot indulge in my joys. I pray and hope that those families will enjoy peace and love as I have, even for a short moment. I cannot imagine the agony a mother must feel if she was separated by her beloved child by death or otherwise. If Kieran was lost to me, the anguish I feel will be so intense that it will take my life away. But let God soothe your souls, mothers whose children were lost. There is no peace in asking Why. But do not let the pain numb your natural instincts to feel love and joy. The ache will never cease although it may grow to become a tiny ache at the depth of your heart, instead of a tormenting one that eats you away day and night. But that does not mean your love is forgotten. Your love will grow to encompass even more. I hope God's light brighten the path of every mothers for our journey is tough but our journey is worthwhile.

Sorry, I neglected you

I felt guilty today.

These few days, hubby and I were very caught up in Kieran's issues. Whenever we do activity, like the "Bucket activity" and colouring and writing, I will focus on teaching and explaining to Kieran, while I just let Caitlin do some activity on her own without guidance. When she started to disturb Kieran, I asked hubby to take her away, regardless of her protest and her cries. She must have felt so unfair. She must want so much for me to show attention on her.

Kieran's high sensitivity means that we need to spend a lot of time to patiently guide him and clarify his queries. When Caitlin is around and also needing our attention, we don't seem to notice her. Kieran is like the centre of the attention while Caitlin is at the peripheral of our vision, we noticed her but we don't take much notice of her. I love her very much and I wished I could give her more of me.

More of me is what Caitlin wanted very much. She will do naughty things and make a fuss so that I would hold her and hug her. She wants to be loved by me. But even as I hold her, I wasn't focusing on her, I would be talking to Kieran and making sure he felt ok, and not overwhelmed, etc. It seemed that I was holding her to pacify her, so that she wouldn't fuss, but even as I was physically with her, I wasn't totally with her.

Caitlin has two types of cries- one is the angry cry and the other is sad cry. Today before bed time, she cried really sadly. It was heartbreaking. It was after I saw her crying that I realised that she cried because she was hurt, and she was hurt because she was being neglected. She hugged me tightly at bed time and pushed Kieran away. She said "I don't want Kieran!" Kieran asked me, "Why did mei mei say that she don't want me?" I know why. It is because our parental attention to both children were too unfair. I hugged Caitlin and kissed her and promised her that I will show more attention and love to her. She fell asleep soon. But I felt so guilty that she had to fall asleep feeling so lousy.

Mummy's Personal Time

Sat, 13 Feb afternoon, I went for a 3 hour break, away from the kids, and have a nice although short catch up with my close friends.

Before I left, my children said goodbye to me happily at the door. My husband was very willing to help look after our two angels while I go for a time off. It was a lovely feeling. I am eternally grateful to my husband. That was the first time I take a mummy's personal time away from the children.

Of course I would love to go on a date with hubby only, given that today is actually Valentine's Day. But I can't leave my children with my parents who are already taking care of them while husband and I go to work on weekdays. I guess we will just have to bid our time until that final day comes when we can both go on dates together again.

Now, we just count our blessings and be thankful that our parents are willing to help us care of the little angels while we work so that they do not have to go to a childcare centre for the whole day, and they enjoy the care and love from loving grandparents. I feel very comfortable leaving them in grandparents' care.

Life is not a bed of roses. However, amidst the hard times, I am glad that I always have hubby by my side. His presence is so reassuring, giving me a great sense of security, safety and love. After a tiring day at work, I brought the children home from my parents' place, and I see him at our house, doing his part to tidy up the house as I did my part to bring home our children. We were exhausted but we do not raise our voice at each other. Sometimes I was so tired that I questioned what is life really about, other than this daily torture. But at the end of the day, I lie in bed hugging my two small teddy bears, with my husband safe beside me, and I thought that is the happiest thing that could ever happen to me. Life is hard, but it is worth living, all because there is a purpose.

Love, self-sacrificing, unconditional love, add life to years.

Birthday

I'm officially 33 years old today. I don't feel like being 33!

I have two lovely kids (who sometimes aren't very lovely), a great husband who's also a doting father to our kids, a job with nice boss and colleagues, a relatively secure future, parents who are willing to sacrifice themselves to look after my kids while I work, a messy house and a loving home. That's more than what I hope for.

Thank you hubby for the lovely Chef Icon New York Cheese cake. My favourite birthday cake which I request for every year!

一家人在一起才幸福

Very emo today because hubby isn't around these few days.

I'm used to having us together as a family. Like Kieran said, "一家人在一起才幸福."

I will take this chance to clean up the house and make sure everything is neat before hubby return home.

The happiest moment of my day is at night, when I have gotten the kids ready for bed, teeth brushed, clothes changed, and we tumble around together on our big family bed. Two days ago, I stayed over at my parents' place and it just didn't feel right. I refused to stay over tonight at my parents' house after a relative's wedding dinner banquet. Here at home, our cozy bedroom is our paradise, our natural habitat, and I'd love to cuddle the children, nurse my little Mei mei, throw bolster missiles at Kieran, tell them bedtime stories and give them more cuddles before it's lights out and kiss good night. They snuggle in close to me as they drift off to sleep. Sounds like a mother bear snuggling in a den with her baby cubs?

That is what 幸福 is about.

CNY 2015

Chinese New Year 2015 had been a busy and fun period for us. Thankfully, the kids did not get sick. We were very strict on their new year goodies quota for every house visit, and we keep those goodies out of their sight at home. Also, lots of water everyday. Regular home cooked healthy food everyday, no slacking off even during festive season. We would bring home cooked porridge in tumbler to restaurants if we need to eat out.

The kids on CNY Day 1

Family photo!

Now is the busy time for Kindergarten registration. I am hoping to enrol Kieran in PCF and MOE Kindergarten near by but unfortunately, the vacancies are limited. I'm looking at a new My First Skool Kindergarten at Compassvale, PCF at 303A, PCF at Punggol Plaza, and MOE Kindergarten at Punggol View. If he couldn't get into any of these, we might have to look at private kindergartens that are much more expensive and located further away which might be inconvenient. 

Finally visited Jia Jia & Kai Kai!

On the first day of 2015, we brought the kids to see Kieran's favourite Panda at River Safari. Mei mei was excited and called them "Da!" for Panda. Kieran was intrigued by all the animals at the River Safari and he was especially excited when we went for the river cruise (boring for us adults but not for kids coz it's Kieran's first boat ride, not counting the one we had in San Francisco because he was sleeping throughout). I smiled at the excitedly jumping up and down, giggling and smiling little Kieran as he went to board the boat with us.

Pictures below!

Cute Kai Kai!

The Red Pandas

Caitlin saying "I want!"

Panda Bao (Cost $3!)

On the River Cruise

Happy Kieran on River Cruise

Little explorer using his binoculars to see the far away animals (yes, they are ahem really very far away. One reason why the boat ride is damn lame)

Piranhas with it's beautiful shining scales

I do like Zoo trips for the fun and education they provide but we really need to rethink whether it is necessary to enclose animals for our viewing pleasure. I am alright if the animal is bred in the Zoo but if the animal has been captured and taken rudely from it's lovely native home in the wild, it doesn't seem so good, especially if the Zoo enclosure is so small. I noticed that the Red Pandas are prancing around. I don't know if this is a typical red panda behaviour or whether it is a behaviour caused by extreme boredom due to lack of space and freedom. Some of the marine animals have small enclosures, and those Giant Arowanas and Sting Rays, although they have large tanks to swim in, it must be boring and small compared to the ocean they once roam (assuming they are from the wild). After reading this article "9 Reasons Why Fish Are Really Sad ‘Pets’", it makes me think twice about keeping fish in enclosures. After all, they are sensitive and social creatures too.

For parents who want to bring the children to see the Pandas, do remember to bring jackets for them and yourselves because the Panda enclosure is freeeeeezing! Oh, and remind them to be very quiet when they are inside because Jia Jia and Kai Kai will hide and not come out to play when they are frightened by loud noises.

Left handed?

Kieran has been showing preference for left hands. Here's a picture of him tracing straight lines. I've got him a few books from Popular Bookstore that he can practise tracing, reading etc.

I'm amazed by this boy's intellectual development. At just 3 years old, he can recite several Tang poems (唐诗), recites 满江红 and first few verses of 弟子规, talks and reasons like an adult, understands Mandarin mostly but also understands and speaks some English, recognise several Chinese words like (人，外，小，一，多), and can already trace lines well enough. I'm not starting on the writing because I don't want him to learn how to read and write so quickly but I think if I do, he'll be able to write well already.

And my mom came to teach me how to make tasty soft bread today!

Before baking

After baking.

Easy to guess which shape is for Kieran and which is for Caitlin! Car shape bread for Kieran and bear shape one for Caitlin :)

The children shaped the dough and played with the flour. Delicious and healthy wholemeal bread for the family!

Kieran is obsessed with Transformers and any vehicles that can transform into robots lately. He's a fan of Robocar Poli and Tobot! Here's daddy teaching Kieran how to transform an Autobot Hound, and Mei mei Caitlin is watching closely beside them. A family bonding time before bed.

Sister's Wedding!

16 November 2014 was an extremely exciting but tiring day for me! On this day, my younger sister got married to my very dashing and nice brother in law. The day before the wedding, my children and I stayed over at my parents' home because Kieran had to be up early and dressed to open the car door for Yi Zhang (姨丈). It is a traditional custom for Chinese weddings to have a boy relative from the bride's family to open the bridal car door for the groom.

Kieran opening the car door.

During the tea ceremony at my parents' home, poor Caitlin couldn't stop crying because she's so scared of strangers, and on that day, the house was brimming with a lot of people she hadn't seen before!

Finally, after the tea ceremony was over, my parents and the bride and groom went to the hotel to get ready for the banquet, while hubby and I washed up the place a bit, got the children home, got them to nap for a while and then prepared their dress and shirt for the night.

                             

Family photo at Zhi Ying and Sulin's wedding banquet.

Exhausted, the children fell asleep the moment we reached home. Caitlin actually fell asleep in the taxi and I had to gently take off her dress and put on her pyjamas while she snoozed on the bed.

Family Photography 2014

With the addition of darling Caitlin to our family, we did another family and baby photography again!

Oh, and one happy thing that happened today is my darling daughter called "Mama!" at 10 month old. Sweet sweet little voice! Loud and Clear! Hahaha

Mother's Day Phototaking with my lovelies

With 31 months old Kieran and 9 months old Caitlin

Celebrating Hubby's birthday

On 23 May, hubby & I had a date at Chef Icon which makes really delicious sandwiches and cakes. I personally love the New York Cheese Cake and hubby likes the Chocolate Trovana, so we had dinner there, and brought home a small Chocolate Trovana to celebrate with our little Kieran at Home Sweet Home.

This is our little happy family at the same place, same day, same birthday, with the same type of cake but one year apart. Look at how darling Kieran has changed over the one year! He's slimmer and more shuai now!

Kieran is a little darling. He's so obedient and clever lately. He's very curious and wants to poke his nose into everything. I was moving the clothes rack to another room and he insisted to help. But its dangerous for him to move it. I told him  “危险啦！” He actually turned around to look at me and said “不会啦！” Huh! For a 19 month old, he can reply me like that! He is also starting to ask "Why?" although I'm not certain whether he's just saying Why for the sake of saying or he's really asking, but I was reading a book to him, and at one point, he asked "Why?". I explained the reason to him and he seemed to understand. Very proud of my little Kieran :)