Baby's head is engaged!

Baby's head is engaged

Today, I met Dr Ho for regular weekly check up again. He did a scan and immediately said baby's head is engaged. I had a feeling baby's head is already in my pelvic bone cavity even before he announced it because the usual symptoms:

1. Increase urge to urinate
2. Feeling baby has "lightened" and tummy looks like it dropped lower
3. Heavy feeling at tummy, walking more like penguin

applied to me over these few days.

Occipito posterior position

Unfortunately, he also said baby is engaged in a face up orientation. This is called the occipito posterior position, where usually, baby faces up when I lie down and his back faces my back towards either right or left side.

The problem with this is that whenever a contraction occurs, baby's head will be forced to tilt in such an angle that it hits against nerves at my spine which causes extreme backache. Dr Ho's suggestion is that I request for epidural once I felt that I cannot tahan the pain. I asked him usually how much dilated should I be when I request for epidural, and he said there's no hard and fast rule, but if I'm 3cm dilated, feeling super painful and there's a long way to go coz cervix dilate only 1cm per hour, then it is advisable to get epidural. If I'm too exhausted when it is time to push, it will be worse.

I asked him whether there's any chance baby will turn to the "correct" position which is face down. He didn't say there will be or there won't be. I guess I need a miracle... or some exercise I can do now to help. I read online that if I could be on my hands and knees for 20min 3 times a day and do pelvic tilt exercise 3 times a day, they can help baby turn face down.

A nurse who usually helped Dr Ho in the doctor's room told me not to worry, just go to pray more at religious hall for baby's head to turn. Hahaha. Everyone I met at Mt Alvernia is so nice and friendly.

Caesarean may not be necessary

He did not say a Caesarean is necessary so we assume it may not be. I read up online that a occipito posterior position does not require Caesarean unless there is fetal distress or other problems. However, like what Dr Ho warned us, it will be a difficult labour. The labour will last longer, the mother will feel more pain with each contraction, and it won't be easy for baby to come out. We placed our trust in Dr Ho. He is very experienced. Pray hard my baby will turn to the Occipito-Anterior position which ensures a higher chance of normal delivery. Aiyoh, most babies' presentation is head first and face down... why my little Kieran choose face up? I was once told my uterus, unlike most women's, is shaped vertically instead of horizontally, so my baby feel more comfortable in a sitting position than in a lying down position in early pregnancy. The radiologist told me during Oscar scan. Perhaps this influenced baby's position in late pregnancy too? I never asked coz hubby only thought of this and brought it up after we came out of the clinic.

More frequent visits to Obstetrician

Today is Thursday. I had to go back to see Dr Ho this Sat. He said he will see me more often, and not wait for a week to see me again because I have history of low fetal movement. My weight also dropped from 60.7 to 60kg today but I'm not sure why. I'm eating well. Perhaps I dressed in lighter clothing or perhaps I ate lesser for lunch today. The nurse said I have to do fetal heartbeat test for every visit (unless doctor say no need to) and its even more necessary today since my weight decreased. I lie down with 2 round disc strapped to my tummy and listen to baby's heartbeat for 20min. There's a record of baby's heartbeat on a chart. So far I've done 3 tests and all 3 are normal. Each test cost extra and are not included in the package though. But cost is not an issue when it comes to safety and health of baby.

Every night, when I lie down and feel baby moving inside me, I felt so nervous and I keep thinking about the labour and the process. As I was doing the heartbeat test in the quiet and small room just now, I felt my own heart beat increase as I imagine that perhaps doctor will advise me to give birth today due to some complications or he'll check and say I'm ready for childbirth already... I certainly do not feel I'm ready for labour yet! BUT I wish baby will come meet us sooner. My feelings are contradicting... I wish baby will give me a very clear sign that he is ready to be out, like some regular contractions or pain or mucous discharge, anything like that, then I will feel more ready to go for labour.

Scared again

This is pretty scary AGAIN...

Throughout the night, baby was moving around, stretching and jabbing and kicking me really hard. It felt as if he's not feeling comfy inside and is protesting! I talked to baby, trying to ask him to calm down and asked him to sleep well. But he still kicked hard. I felt sharp pain at the vagina area, perhaps due to his kicking or perhaps due to the cervix dilating as what my Mayo Clinic Preg book described. I also felt pressure at the rectum as he's dropping low now and when he stretched, he'll put pressure there. Advice from some of my mummies frens is that one symptom of labour is feeling pressure at rectum, urging us to push. I keep tossing and turning, going to washroom coz he's hitting my bladder too, and trying to feel if there's any gush of liquid indicating water bag burst. None of those happened. But I developed a headache which I experienced mildly for the past 2 days. Maybe I worry too much. I imagined the childbirth process and was so frightened by it. Then suddenly realized my breathing was too fast and hard, and I consciously tried to calm down by regulating my breathing.

I read online that during the last few weeks or days of preg, mummies will tend to move bowels more often. This is a way for our body to cleanse itself in preparation for labour. No wonder! I have been moving my bowels like at least 2 times and at most 3 times a day! I'm now 38 weeks and 2 days into pregnancy. Before that, during 2nd trimester, my bowels were affected so that I only go like once in about 2/3 days. Its due to slowing down of digestion for better absorption of nutrients during pregnancy.

Today, I could only sleep at 4+am. Hubby woke me up this morning when he wake up for work. I told him about last night and that today, I really couldn't wake up to accompany him for breakfast. Later, he came to talk to me before he leave for work and told me that Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple, had passed away. I hope Steve Jobs can find eternal peace wherever he is now. He is one great creative genius and he had created beautiful things for our world. I hope he goes to Heaven.

Today, I'm seeing Dr Ho again at 3.45pm and I'm glad Hubby is coming along. I told him this may be the last time that he can come along for check up. Baby may come anytime now. So he decided to leave office early and go with me. Its also good that he check out the new Registration Counter and Business Office because Mount Alvernia is currently under renovation and these places were shifted to temporary venues. I have yet to visit the Chapel yet which is temporarily relocated to level 5. I must remember to hand in the pre-registration form today... I wonder whether Dr Ho will check for dilation today... I hope not coz I read in forum that it could be painful and cause minor bleeding.

I can feel baby's coming anytime now and I hope he come quickly coz daddy and mummy are getting impatient! :D

Decreased movement

This is pretty scary... I got a real scare from baby on Monday morning. Every morning, by 10am he would have given me 10 kicks or movements but on Monday, no matter how I move, lie down, turn left or right side, shake my tummy, he refused to move. I was using computer early in the morning after accompanying hubby for breakfast and our usual morning chat. Hubby left for work and I was so busy at the computer that I didn't note baby's movement. We are supposed to take note of baby's movement since we wake up and he should complete 10 kicks a day. So I got a bit worried, stopped using the computer, and lied down on one side. Usually when I lie on one side, baby felt uncomfortable, felt pressure on that side and will start turning around or kicking to protest. But this time, it's all quiet. Then I stood up, walk around, went toilet, shook my tummy, bounce my tummy, drank water, still no movements...

I remembered that on Sat, I saw greenish vagina discharge, put these 2 incidences together and got more n more worried, so I called clinic. The nurse advised me to go down.

Gynae did heart beat test, scan and vagina infection test for me. He said we have natural bacteria in vagina. As long as there's no inflammation and/or pain, it's ok. The test today showed no infection. Phew!

He said fetal heartbeat looks normal but he has patients whom even though normal, experienced lesser fetal movement n baby heartbeat suddenly stopped. So he told me to do heartbeat test again tml morning. I was so scared n worried when he told me that. He said if I felt lesser movement tonight, I must admit myself immediately, don't wait until tomorrow. If not, we'll monitor tomorrow. And coz my baby is considered smaller at 2.6kg, he's not sure whether he's a healthy smaller baby or smaller coz there's prob so it's better to deliver baby early if we suspect any prob.

On Tues morning, as scheduled I went to see Dr Ho again but this time with a lighter heart because last night baby kicked me a lot and with big movements! I'm so happy to be kicked! Lol. On Tues morning, he's also moving a lot and I counted 10 movements by 10am.

Dr Ho did a heartbeat test and said it's normal. He explained we cannot rely solely on the heartbeat test because accuracy is 1/400. I may be among the few, and with his experience, he has seen several cases where baby heartbeat suddenly stopped at late stage of preg. He cannot pinpoint a reason and he has to deliver the baby but with really sad news. He told me he once had a patient who did not feel fetal movements for many days and stayed for many days in KKH to test fetal heartbeat. For many days, everything is normal but one day, baby's heartbeat just stopped! They did emergency caesarean but could not save baby. His opinion is, dun just rely on tests, monitor baby's movements, report abnormalities immediately and deliver baby early if need be!

Today he also reminded me to watch out for signs of labour because now I'm approaching EDD, it could be anytime. Oh, I'm so excited and nervous to think of the delivery date!!! It's all happening soon!!! I'm wondering how my labour would start? Would it be water bag burst, regular contractions or bloody show followed by the earlier 2 symptoms or... maybe he just won't come and I need to be induced? Hmm... we'll know in time!

Belly dropped lower

Belly dropped even lower this week. Every night, hubby helped me to do Butterfly stretch. When I sat on the floor (on a pillow), with my legs stretched to the Butterfly stretch post, I realized that my belly were touching my thighs already! Previously it was pretty high up and last week, it never touched my thighs when I do the stretch even though it dropped lower.

No wonder I had to go to the toilet 4 times last night! And some were pretty urgent.

Today, I keep feeling like going toilet even though I went just few minutes ago.

And maybe perhaps I've been switching on the air-con every night recently, my belly got more itchy than it was previously and I unconsciously scratched it too much. Lucky hubby woke me up and reminded me not to do that. I put on more moisturizer. But nowadays, my body temperature rises to really high level and I felt heated up easily so I desperately need the air-con more than anything else.

Last night, as I lie awake on my bed, I imagined myself in the delivery ward, trying to push baby out, imagined the horror of the cervix stretching and baby's head emerging... I imagined holding a soft and small little baby in my arms... Finally the day that all these will happen is arriving and yet I suddenly feel lost. I am supposed to do all these that I heard from people and watched in dramas? It's unbelievable. I read somewhere that God actually made childbirth painless until human committed some sin and we had to undergo painful childbirth. I think the same goes to the menstrual cramp I had, and the only benefit of pregnancy for my body is the absence of that cramp for 10 months. haha... but I guess gradually, we are used to the pain anyway. I envy those who had no menstrual cramp and little pain during childbirth. I wish I am the lucky few! I heard people say the uterus contraction which feels like menstrual cramp will hurt really badly after childbirth... what people call "afterpains". Sigh, pay back time for missing the 10 months of period. I really need the pain relief...

Baby Kieran Sia Yun Xuan

Finally, we've thought of a name for baby! His name will be Kieran Sia Yun Xuan 謝允軒.


Water retention came at early third trimester, I guess its some time in mid 7th month of preg. Comparing myself then and...

... now.
You can see my face has gotten rounder. What's worse is that my feet were swollen so much that my comfy Croc shoes feel a bit tight, and my swollen hands ache when I wake up in the morning. Fortunately, some friends recommend taking red bean soup or black bean soup to ease the water retention. It really works! My friends commented that my face isn't as swollen as before and my hands dun ache so much anymore :)

Oh if you are a vegetarian mummy like me and you can't take DHA from fish oil. I recommend this supplement:
Salesgirl at Guardian introduce this to me when I tried to buy Vitahealth Flaxseed Oil which I used to take but they no longer carry Vitahealth. This one is Nature's Essentials flaxseed oil in vegi-softgels and suitable for Vegans.

I've also bought a block of baby soap made from Lemongrass, Olive oil and other natural ingredients without preservatives added. Bought from an organics shop in Hougang. I forgot the name of the shop. The soap brand is Yuan, made in Taiwan. I thought it'll be good to give my baby paraben free soap to use. These preservatives may not be clinically harmful to our body now but who knows about years later? I left the soap at my parents-in-law's place where I'll be doing confinement so no pictures, so sorry. I'm so not looking forward to confinement :( but of course I'm looking forward to baby's arrival! Can't wait for him to arrive! 3 more weeks (or less) to go! I'm seeing gynae every week now.

Sharing another picture:

We took this at Istana when it was open for public during Hari Raya. Security was tight but the guards were nice. Pregnant ladies need not pass through the electronic scan. They got a lady guard to physically check me. Nothing much to check though. I wearing tight fitting clothes, don't look like I could hide any weapons inside and I only carry a small bag. Of course my hubby carried a lot more stuff haha, mainly his DSLR. On first impression, Istana was beautiful, filled with lush greenery and I love the graceful white swans at the pond. After walking through the place, I think it's more like a huge golf course, and I don't think the land is used very often. The Jap and Chinese gardens are crap... They only one small tiny area each growing supposedly Chinese or Jap looking plants and have slightly Chinese or Jap looking structures but if they never listed them as "gardens", I'll think its just a small patch of land/pond. Never get to see the former President Nathan though.

Insomnia

Today is the last day of 36th week. Last 2 nights were horrible. On Monday 3am to 5am, I had Braxton hicks contraction that lasted 1min+ each and with varying intervals. The intervals could be from 3min to 11min apart. So I couldn't sleep the whole night. Woke up intermittently to drag myself to the bathroom too. What's worse, from Monday night to Tuesday morning, I had insomnia, partly caused by me sleeping too much on Monday due to the tiring contractions the night before, and partly due to baby kicking, poking and jabbing me strongly the whole night. I guess my sleeping position disturbed him a lot. When I thought of lying down, I had phobia, really. Lying down caused a lot of aches to my back and sides. Before my belly becomes this heavy and big, I am ok with just putting a pillow behind me or lying on my side hugging a bolster. But now, its really difficult. I did all these but the aches just stay there.

I'm going to do some pelvic exercise before I sleep tonight and I'm going to try putting something at the arch of my back to prevent my spine from being stressed too much by the weight. Grrr this aching and sleeplessness really made me wish baby can quickly come. I cannot tahan 1 month of horrendous aches and insomnia anymore!

One good news though is that my new flat at Punggol Spring is nearly completed for moving in. Renovation finally completed last week. Made the final payment. I love our neat kitchen, our cozy little corner at the full length windows which overlook the Water Way and the baby room which will be done up nicely soon before we move in with our darling baby. Just now we went IKEA to get some furniture. We were rudely shocked with the delivery policy of IKEA which was not mentioned when we checked the website or when we asked the customer service officer before making payment. We were given 3 days of delivery to choose from, and after which we must pay $5 per day of extension! What's worse is their delivery timings are only from 10am to 2pm, and they couldn't specify exactly a range of time that they usually deliver to Punggol area. I have to stay at home and wait from 10am to 2pm on a weekday?! That's ridiculous! Grrr... I'm thinking of writing a complain letter to IKEA. They should improve their inflexible delivery service. It doesn't come cheap too! $55 for delivery above $300 of purchases and 6% of item price for assembly. Seriously...

Time to go back to bed again. I hope my back won't suffer too much tonight.

36 weeks and 4 days

Oh gosh! Baby is now hiccuping very violently inside me! I never like the feeling of baby hiccuping but at least it means our dear little one is learning to breath :)

Today is baby's 36 and 4th day since his conception. He is strong and tossing and turning, and kicking as he stretches inside me. I hope he remains so strong and not weaken in his movement like some babies do towards the end of preg when they get less space in the womb.

I just drank coconut juice bought from NTUC and had red and black bean soup on alternate days this week. The young coconut is supposed to help baby appear nicer with less blood streaks on his skin when he is born. The red bean soup and black bean soup helps in easing the water retention. I do feel that it's taking effect. My hands dun seem so swollen now.

Recently, I felt less breathless, and when I asked hubby, he said my tummy looks like it's lower. I guess baby has lightened! Unfortunately, I feel the urge to pee more often. Just now, I had to go to the washroom just 10 min after peeing, and I went about 4 times in an hour. In the middle night, I usually have to wake up 2-3 times to go washroom.

But I'm always always thirsty. If the craving for second trimester is food, the craving for late third trimester is liquid! I keep having to drink a lot. I hope that means I'm producing milk! My breasts feels tender, full and there's occasional tingling sensation at the nipples. These are exactly what the breastfeeding book describes. I'm glad I'm on track but some mothers are able to see colostrum (early milk) at this stage... I'm still not able to. I guess for first time moms, it's not easy for milk to come so easily. Some took 4 days after childbirth to produce milk. Lucky baby has fat reserves for 3 days after birth. I hope nobody will coerce me to feet infant formula, stating "not enough milk" as a reason! It's ridiculous how generations of infant formula marketing has successfully conned poor mothers into believing their own milk is inferior to something from animals and artificially produced from the lab. Do you know babies cannot take cow's milk and the scientists had to remove the fats and add in animal fats as replacement as this is easier for babies' digestion? Seriously, isn't it more intuitive and convenient to feed babies mothers' milk right from the breast? Not to mention the expensive infant formulas that we'll otherwise need to spend on. No animal in the animal kingdom is as troublesome as humans. Animal mothers take it as a natural instinct to breastfeed their babies. Only human beings need to go through buying the powdered milk, sterilizing the bottle, pouring warm water, cooling it, testing temperature, feeding baby with bottle, burbing baby coz when you use bottle, you introduce a lot of air (you do not need to burb a breastfeed baby because there is complete suction and thus no air introduced to baby), then putting baby to sleep and washing and sterilizing the bottle again. All these steps when actually all a mother need to do is to put baby to your breast and allow both to enjoy the unique bonding time.

I'm very thankful to my loving and supportive hubby. I am so touched when he searched YouTube for nappy folding techniques so he can help baby change nappy, accompanied me for every childbirth education course even though he needs to sacrifice work time and needs to work longer hours and put in extra effort on the following days, and read the Breastfeeding book we bought from Mt Alvernia by Sister Kang, so that he will understand more about breastfeeding and help me along when I need help.

Love hubby lots! Baby and I are fortunate :) No luxuries and material things in this world can be substitute for this love.

Although I still hope very much that we can get a car soon to help ferry baby around... I cannot imagine having to open and close baby pram while holding baby and carrying diaper bag when we go up and down a public transport. I really would just choose to stay home with baby. Unless baby needs to go out for vaccination which I guess we don't have a choice. Even now when I'm heavily pregnant, getting around without a car isn't easy. You don't always get nice ppl who give up seats and generally, the fast pace crowd at transport stations are a danger. Some people walk like zombies and some kids run around like the place is a park. Life sucks when you dun have a car. Sigh...

What to pack for hospital stay

These days, I'm finalizing the things to bring to hospital. I've written this list sometime ago and now, its time to put it into action and pack those stuff into my bag.

Nursing bras 3

Disposable breast pads 1 box

breast pump (may need to stimulate milk production) 1

disposable maternity panties 6

pajamas suitable for breastfeeding (open button) 4

going home wear 1

sweater 1

socks 2 pairs

sanitary pads (Pureen Madame maternity pads) 1 pack

slippers 1 pair

comb 1

hairband 1

towel

toothbrush

toothpaste

Anti rashes body wash (I have rashes and this is recommended by the doctor. Bringing it just in case I got rashes outbreak again. *Touchwood!*)

Shampoo (small bottle. Yes, I am not going to observe total confinement rules. I am going to wash my hair.)

Baby swaddle

1 set of baby clothes, mittens and booties

2 more sets of mittens and booties in case baby needs to stay in hospital for jaundice treatment

digital camera

documents for Medisave claim, birth cert registration and baby bonus application (to put in one folder and hubby to take note)

Gynae's letter

Hospital admission form

NRIC of husband and wife

Receipts of outpatient visits to gynae (to claim Medisave)

Original marriage certificate to register baby's name

Bankbook for baby bonus

$18 charged by ICA

$14 charged by hospital admin fee

For baby bonus, I think we will choose OCBC.

As for stem cells storage, I'm already in my 36th week of pregnancy but we really haven't decide whether to go for stem cells storage. I think I'll give the stem cord sales person a call and do the necessary stuff.

I'm so looking forward to baby's arrival! I've bought a Pearhead baby prints set from Mums and Babes which I can print baby's footprint and handprint on birth announcement cards. I also cut colored papers to fit the size of white square frames that I bought from IKEA some time ago so that I can print baby's hand and foot print and frame them up. I bought a scrapbook folder but no paper and designs yet coz I really don't want to spend money on those scrapbook items yet. So costly! Also got ready a log book to record baby's feeding time, pooing time and sleeping time.

Thinking about my newborn makes me so happy. I wish to see him in person real soon. He's an active little babe, tossing and turning and kicking me so frequently and sometimes so hard! I wish he look like his daddy coz my hubby has sharp features. Sharp nose, big eyes, curled eyelashes, dark skin and tall height is perfect for a boy.

I'm excited about his arrival and yet I am extremely afraid of the labour, especially now when I'm nearing the EDD. 36 weeks now... only 4 more weeks to go. Oh gosh... I'm feeling nervous just thinking about it... It doesn't help that one friend told me she had to deliver her son early (35weeks +) because she suddenly feel very frequent contractions and she had some spotting, and another friend when through long hours of labour, only to be told later that she must undergo Cesarean because baby's head cannot pass through her pelvis. And of course the pain of epidural injection, pain of labour contractions, afterpains, and episiotomy wound pain all make me worry and frightened. Oh gosh... there's so much to go through just to give birth. I've carried this baby inside me for nearly 9 months, and had to be so careful and make some sacrifices to ensure he is safe and well. I definitely hope the last lap will be a safe and smooth one.

6 weeks more to go!

I'm in my 34th week of pregnancy. Which means there's only 6 weeks more to go! Exciting! I'm looking forward to baby's arrival but I'm totally not looking forward to confinement. It's 1 month of pure torture to me. I'm sweating like crazy even in an aircon room now. I cannot imagine no fan and no bathing for 1 month. Whoever came up with such torturous tradition?! I'm not going to follow all the rules. It's crazy because we are staying in hot and humid Singapore. In the olden days, temperature in Singapore is much cooler, so it makes more sense to follow the rules. Not now when everyday is so hot. My mom said after she finished her confinement, she remembered it's Christmas Day and temperature is 20 deg celcius!!! Unless it's some kind of freak day, temp in Singapore will never drop to 20 deg celcius!

What have you, self centered ancestors done to our poor Earth since the industrial revolution? What have you done to make your pitiful descendants suffer so much? The unbearable heat and the pollution and all the cancer causing agents you released into our once clean atmosphere, just for your personal short term gain and comfort. I wish humankind had not been so greedy and had been a little bit more far-sighted and wiser.

I'm looking forward to taking bb home to Punggol new flat and spending time with him. There, where hubby and I spent so much time discussing, planning and decorating. Bringing baby home is the happiest. Of course I worry abt depression and housework when we go back because then, nobody will be there to help us but I think it's better than to stay at mother in law's place where I'll be doing confinement. I hate TV noises for one thing. They like to watch TV but at home, my TV was never on if I'm home. The radio and TV noises stresses me. I prefer quietness. Reading, surfing the net and other quiet activities made me happy. That's why I packed a pair of earplugs to go for my hospital stay and confinement.

I'll try out to see how this confinement goes. If it's really very stressful and there are a lot of conflicts and I got into depression or some unpleasant emotional moments, I'll not attempt confinement anymore for second baby. It's not worth it.

I find it sad too that there's social pressure for me to start work soon after baby's birth. I hope I don't have to do that. I want to spend as much time as possible with my baby, even until he's into his toddler years. Why can't you all let mothers just be mothers? Besides I'm not a person made to enjoy the stability of a 9 to 5 office job. I agree it's much better for family life but I really will get so jaded after a while of these stagnancy. I need excitement, adventures and something to stimulate my creativity every now and then. I remembered there were times I was so bored and frustrated that I plan holidays, and took up violin lessons, and thought of changing job. Everyone has a niche in this mosaic of our society and I really wish to be a creative arts industry. This has always been discouraged because I've potential to go university, I won't earn much if I study art, I'll become weird if I study too much art... All my parents' reasons. At this point, I do have a chance to right what was wrong with a tight budget of course, but it really depends on whether I can once again, take the society's demeaning glare, the disapproval of elders and the risks involved. What is a life really, if there are no dreams left to pursue and no challenges to overcome. If I just succumb to pressure now, there might never be another chance, and perhaps I will die with regrets and the message I will leave to my younger generations is that the world is a cruel and bitter place, and ambitions and dreams that do not fit into the social norms will not be encouraged. No, I do not want that to happen. I still, would like to embrace life and grow and learn, and lead my life the fulfilling way it was meant to be. I feel sorry for my parents, my husband and my future children that I am not the money-spinning career woman kind who would have benefitted them much more. But I have to make a choice to make them contented or to be true to myself. I think they would want the best for me, no matter how they dislike it. I'm sorry for being this defiant.

Today's post is more emotional than I wish it to be. I'll write about my hospital bag packing list and other baby stuff in my next post.

So long...

Postscript on 20 October, 2014 after being a mother for 3 years and having given birth to Kieran and Caitlin:
Looking back at my old post, I feel like a wiser woman reading the musings of a foolish, young and inexperienced lady. Oh, how I wish I could hug my former, anxious, immature self and tell her to relax and tell her that "look, I am your future, and your future, is beautiful is happy. No need for those opinionated musings and vengeful words. You will eventually grow wiser, and happier and you will see that happiness lies inside you and happiness lies in letting go, not in chasing dreams, not in the forms of the challenges, the adventures and the creativity that you once relentlessly seek."

Updates and some thoughts

Just realized the stupid supposed to be cheaper AMK shop cheat my money. The pillow cost only $4.90 at NTUC, they charge $10.90! Grrr I'm seriously not going back there anymore.

Btw, add in baby thermometer to the to buy list.

Having a baby is so expensive! Haiz. I'm glad hubby forces us both to save up more since we decided to settle down. I'm happy that from wedding to buying first flat to baby, we use our own money and never had to borrow from anyone.

I remembered only drawing $80 from the bank last week and now, I have $0 in my wallet again. Groan... I really must save up much more and stop indulging in more expensive food and transport. But haiz, the hot weather really tempts me to take a cab instead of waiting for the bus and train.

Childbirth education at Mt Alvernia

Today, I went for the physiotherapy course at Mt Alvernia. It is part of the childbirth education workshop we signed up for. Today's lesson is great. The friendly physiotherapist taught us about positions and breathing techniques we should adopt during different stages of labour. I asked her about the pain where my uterus hit the ribs. She said it should not be due to the stomach muscles straining. It should be due to baby/uterus pressing on my ribs. I guess she's right because when I lie down or stretch that area, the pain lessens. When I lie on my left because I heard that lying on left is better for baby, the area hurts because its the left side that hurts. When I lie on my right, the pain goes away. So it must be the uterus pressure relieved from the ribs when I lie on my right. I asked her for any exercise to help. She said I just have to wait until the pressure is gone which means when baby is no longer applying pressure on the area. I guess when lightening (baby dropping lower down into the pelvic area) occurs, the area will be more relieved of pressure and of course pain. I will also do more stretching that the yoga teacher teaches. Helps in alleviating the pain too.

Myths about breastfeeding

I realized many people have lots of things to say about breastfeeding which may not be the best for mummy and baby. Mother in law's friend told her that I should start to massage and press on my nipples now until liquid appears at the milk duct holes on the aerola so as to prepare the breasts for breast-feeding later on. On the contrary, if I stimulate my breasts, it will cause contractions and subsequently, premature birth of baby. I have to clarify this to MIL!

The friend also told her that its good to feed baby with formula milk at night so that mummy can rest and not have to wake up to breastfeed. I firmly told MIL that I won't! Lucky I have a very understanding MIL who doesn't only listen to what her friend(s) advises. I told her I don't mind waking up every 2-3 hours to breastfeed as long as this ensures my baby gets total breast milk. Formula milk can never replace breast milk. I explained to her that if I supplement with formula milk, my milk supply will decrease, I may get engorgement if milk is not expressed and baby will be very full on formula milk to ask for more breast milk. Ultimately, my breastmilk production will decrease and there will be no more for baby. Personally, I will kill anyone who suggest I supplement or replace with formula milk. I hope the nurse at Mt Alvernia will understand and bring baby to me for breastfeeding right after delivery and cleaning up. I heard that if baby is breastfed within 24hrs, he tends to remember the sucking action better and will latch on better.

MIL say baby needs water. But a baby on total breastfeed does not need water. Oh well, I told her a little bit is ok but when I bring baby home, I won't feed him any water. Feeding water to baby will cause him to feel artificially full and he won't be sucking breast milk and thus, won't get enough nutrients. I hope she won't keep thinking of giving baby water every time she feels he needs to. Baby's stomach is different from adult's. We are thirsty and requires water often doesn't mean baby needs water too.

I forgot to tell MIL that I intend to not breastfeed on schedule but on demand. That's why hubby and I bought a baby cot cum play pen for him to sleep in so that I can feed him while resting in the day or at night, whenever he wants to. Its too tiring to get out of bed and stoop down to hold baby up and breastfeed if he sleeps on mattress on the floor.

Yao lan causes brain damage?

MIL and my mom also heard from friends and TV programmes that if baby sleep in Yao Lan, baby will get brain damage. I would like to say that I won't rock baby like he's in a roller coaster, and I won't be letting him sleep in Yao Lan all night. Baby will ultimately still be sleeping on mattress. The Yao Lan is only for afternoon naps, or drinking milk/water from bottles when he is much older. So he won't get excessive rocking and he won't be brain damaged. Seriously, all 3 of us, my sisters and I slept in Yao Lan and we are all graduates. What brain damage?! I do agree that we cannot let baby sleep in Yao lan and rock him all night with the motor rocker. But I dun think people do that really. My parents never do that. Yao lan is only for day time naps. The cot, also, will only be a temporary measure because baby outgrows cot very fast. Its only for my convenience when I do breastfeeding for first 6 months. When baby is 6 months old, he can learn to eat solids already and dun have to breastfeed so often in the middle of the night.

Worries and fears

I really hope I can be a good mother to my baby. I am such an opinionated person... the inconvenience of confinement also will make me quick tempered... I'm the kind who will snap at people if I feel hot and sticky. So, I hope no unhappiness with happen during my confinement, especially since I'm doing confinement at parents in law's house. Sigh. Not the perfect option for me. I wish I dun have to do confinement because I like to be in control and during confinement, everyone will insists I rest and that means I can't be in control. Grrr... ok, I need to learn to relax... I dun think I'll ever leave my baby's side! Can't imagine I'm expected to rest at another room while MIL sleep with baby at another room. True that confinement is a time for mothers to rest after delivery but I think I'll hope it will end soon and I can bring baby home, and be in control of everything all over again. I seriously think I am at risk of post-natal blues or anxiety or something like that.

P/S: Two incidences that proves pregnant women's brain turn to jelly during pregnancy:

1. I forgot to take money from ATM after withdrawing. Lucky I remembered to take my card.

2. I was typing this post and when I wanted to type "course" I typed "cause", thought it was wrong spelling, deleted and suddenly forgot how to spell "course" until much later... -.-"

Baby items shopping again!

Seen Dr Ho for the usual check up and scanning today. I'm happy baby is now at normal weight of 1.6kg and growing healthily. Dr Ho said everything is normal and going well... that is the best reassurance a mother needs! I have, however gained 3kg in 3 weeks! LOL. The nurse said that's a bit too much. Oh well, I have a bit of water retention and my breasts and tummy have grown so much bigger compared to 3 weeks ago. I guess the weight increment is reasonable. I'll take care not to eat too much fried and oily food from now on.

After the check up, I went baby items shopping again. This activity is what always keeps me happy. Buying things for Baby Yun Xuan is most enjoyable, even though today, the bill comes up to $150+... Nvm, these are essential items and I've gone to a shop selling baby items cheaply.

I took a shuttle bus from Mt Alvernia to Bishan and then train ride to Ang Mo Kio because I want to go to the cheap baby items stall opposite Ang Mo Kio Polyclinic.

Completed most of the list of items that I said I wanted to buy in my last post:

4 sets of mitten and booties ($9.90 for 4 at AMK shop)
hard mattress (dad recommends seahorse brand) parents will buy
mattress cover
baby cot for him to sleep beside us in our new flat ($50 second hand) will collect tomorrow
- baby will sleep on mattress at grandparents' home
pillow and bolster (about $10.90 to $11.90 each)
pillow and bolster covers (forgot to buy)
beansprout billow (dad making for me!)
cotton balls and cotton buds (bought very cheaply at Chinatown, People's Park Market where a stall sells cheap household products)
nappy fasteners ($2.90 at AMK shop, actually should have bought at NTUC. Cost only $2.60. Tollyjoy brand)
nappy hooks (decided not to buy)
baby shampoo (J&J Top to Toe, bought very cheaply at Chinatown, People's Park Market)
baby bath
baby lotion (MIL say no need...)
nappy cloth ($25+ for 1 dozen at AMK shop)
wash cloth ($3.90 for 6 at AMK shop)
towels (MIL will buy)
brushes to clean milk bottles (bought at NTUC)
baby nail clipper ($5.90 at AMK shop)

I also bought Tollyjoy washable and reusable breast pads, a couple of baby caps, pampers for newborn just in case we need ($25+ at NTUC), and nappy liners ($6.90 at the AMK shop).

More items to buy:

pillow and bolster covers coz I forgot to buy them today

nappy rash cream

Ru yi oil

hard mattress and mattress covers

towels

Cot mattress set (can buy at later date)

Had a happy time shopping!

These days, however, back pain, muscle aches and swollen hands and feet are causing me some discomfort. I couldn't bend down as easily as I could before. I do Prenatal Yoga at COMO Shamhala and the Yoga teacher Sarah advised us to squat for 10min a day. I tried that today. Supposed to help strenghten the pelvic muscles. If I sleep too long lying flat on my back, I will get a nasty backache in the morning, so heeding the advice of the physiotherapist at Mount Alvernia childbirth class, I slept with a bolster propped up against my back, preventing myself from lying flat down, and with a pillow between my legs so that there isn't too much hip rotation when I lie on my side. If I dun put the bolster behind me, I'll most likely turn to sleep on my back unconsciously and get the nasty ache again.

The left stomach muscle right where my growing uterus meet the upper part of my ribs hurts ever so often. Usually, it hurts when I spend a considerable amount of time sitting, standing or walking. So after some activity, I'll take a break lying on my bed, propped with a bolster until the ache goes away. I'm not very sure what caused it or how to alleviate it. Perhaps I can talk to the physiotherapist this Thursday. I'm so very glad that I am not working now. Otherwise, the pain is going to be double. In addition, I'm waking up at least 3 times in the night to pee. Sleep disturbances. Luckily, so far, I dun really have insomnia. Perhaps coz there's no work stressors, so not much worries except a few of those hormonal-changes related emo-ing.

Oh yes, the water retention is not very obvious but I feel my shoes getting tighter, my feet and hands look "puffier" and my wedding ring was strangling my ring finger to death. So I removed my wedding ring with soap and water and I'm wearing it around my neck with a necklace.

Alright, going back to bed, to ease the pain in the stomach muscle... and to hug my hubby and adorable toy monkeys to sleep.

Shopping list

I'm in my 30th week of pregnancy. Another 10 weeks more to baby's arrival! Can you imagine the excitement?! haha. Hubby and I are so excited and looking forward to his arrival!

I need to complete my shopping list before baby arrives:
4 sets of mitten and booties
hard mattress (dad recommends seahorse brand)
mattress cover
baby cot for him to sleep beside us in our new flat ($50 second hand)
- baby will sleep on mattress at grandparents' home
pillow and bolster
pillow and bolster covers
beansprout billow (dad making for me!)
cotton balls
cotton buds $4+ at kiddy palace
nappy fasteners
nappy hooks
baby shampoo
baby bath
baby lotion
nappy cloth (check with MIL whether she's buying)
wash cloth
towels
brushes to clean milk bottles
baby nail clipper

Busy preparation

Baby is 25 weeks today. 6 months old.
Dr Ho say he is about 683g. I wonder how they calculate with just the ultrasound scan machine alone.
So far I only gain 2kg for the entire 6 months. But lucky baby's weight is normal. That means I've slimmed down a lot.

Today, I don't feel very good at all. Yesterday morning, I'm able to wake up early, prepare breakfast for hubby and walk long distance for my tao huay and da bao vegetarian bee hoon for lunch.

But today, I could only lie on bed and feel really groggy. Couldn't prepare breakfast. Lucky we bought swissroll and it doesn't need much preparation.

I was really stressed up today, feeling bouts of frustration ever since morning, but for no good reason. Perhaps because of the hot weather, perhaps because I called up to book the breastfeeding lesson and learned that I've missed the previous 2 lessons last week. Anyway, I wasn't free last week. Then I have to reschedule meeting up with friends, and reschedule meeting with contractor for my new home just to attend the breastfeeding lesson.

I booked the lesson through this Breastfeeding mothers' support group website but after calling and emailing them, they have yet to give me a confirmation yet. Haiz.

I also found that the yoga lesson at Motherandchild has no vacancy this Fri so I scheduled one on next Fri. There is only 1 vacancy but I'm going with a friend so they changed it to the following Fri but they'll call me up if there's enough vacancy for me and my friend on next Fri.

I also booked my post-natal Malay massage lady. $70 per session for 7 days... She's recommended as reliable and nice in mummysg forum so hopefully she's good. I'm still considering whether to engage her for pre-natal massage for $75 per session too. Maybe later on.

Time is a precious scarcity and everyday, there are so much things to do and so little time.

I really would like to enjoy swimming and to go shopping for my mummy and baby essentials. I have a list to buy... Friend gave me a list of must-buy or must-prepare stuff to pack into bags before baby's arrival.

It seems that time flies and I'm already left with 4 months to Baby's arrival!

Its now time for me to bath and get something to eat, and go to parents' place. I always believe happiness is a choice and we are in charge of our own happiness, and now that perhaps hormonal changes or whatever it is is making me feel frustrated, I have to do something to cheer myself up :)

Suddenly emo

It's been an emotional roller coaster ride recently. Perhaps it's the hormones due to pregnancy, perhaps it's the physical discomfort (baby kicking hard, frequent hunger pangs and sudden hot flushes), perhaps the recent stressors, perhaps because hubby has been busy and neglecting time with me. Or perhaps it is a combi of different factors at different times. These 2 weeks, I'm feeling very down. I raised my voice at dad, mom n hubby several times and I suddenly feel very irritated and angry, and I cried several times too.

I've been requesting for hubby to spend more time with me so that at least that can help me feel a bit better but it has not yet been realized. Sometimes I wish I will be sick with morning sickness again so that he will spend more time with me. Now that I am well, almost every night, he has something to do, somewhere to go and if he's at home, he has some task to complete.

I'm now pregnant so I really do not and cannot bother so much about renovation stuff. I hope hubby can take the lead and do most of the liaising and running around to do things. I can discuss design and ideas and prices but I do not want to bother about calling ppl and negotiating etc. I do not have high requirements when it comes to renovation. I'm more into buying furnitures n deco to beauty up the house. I really want to look at baby stuff and really buy some if those important things before baby's arrival. But all these things are so difficult to relate to hubby. After RT, he's tired, he couldn't think about me and he didn't even cook things for me when I suddenly became hungry at night. I was so disappointed today that I have packed my stuff and wanted to move back to my parents' place. At least if I'm hungry at night, they will care for me. When I'm so hungry, I really do not have energy to cook things myself but most people do not understand. It's also very sad that I have to do it myself because hubby does not want to. So I went to sleep despite the hunger, couldn't sleep well n had to wake up at 4.30am to toast bread to eat. I felt thoroughly miserable.

Apologies that this post is full of complains. When I told hubby about how I feel, he called to show his concern but I'm uncertain that things will change. It is a recurring problem that he frequently neglects me and baby in future when he's caught up in his busy schedule. Sigh. I wish we can develop a better and happier family life and not give up family time so easily  when busy with individual commitments.

Baby's kicks

Baby is 21 weeks 6 days today. He's supposed to be 28cm and 425g. I love feeling the kicks from him because they tell me he is well and active.

I realised there are 2 kinds of movements. One kind is when baby rolls around or toss and turn, I can feel it like something rolling against my insides. In the earlier days, I felt this kind of movement most often and I often mistaken it for stomach growling. Now, as baby grows and the movement is stronger, I know very well, its my baby turning around inside. Another kind of movement is sharp kicking. Baby rarely do this but when he do it, it's much stronger than the first kind and I felt my stomach bulge up more. Often, when I am sitting upright or standing still, he kicks the lower organs and caused some discomfort. Maybe because my uterus is vertical, baby tend to be in a vertical position as that gives him more space. Sometimes he kicks my bladder and makes me want to pee!

My body is adjusting better to the changes. I learn to adjust my life habits to suit the pregnancy symptoms. Thank goodness I'm not working now, so I could sleep past 10am most of the days. When I manage not to eat anything before 10am, the nausea and vomiting do not trouble me. However, if I don't eat well or if I eat too full or am hungry for too long, the nausea came back and its upsetting. I will feel tired and bloated and feel like vomiting the whole day. That was what happened yesterday. I ate my breakfast too late. I have to wake up at 10am for breakfast or else... Sometimes, I also get diarrhea. There's no predicting when it would happen. I just had diarrhea. Felt much better now and baby is kicking me again as I am typing this :)

Appetite wise, I am eating much more and not as choosy with food as in first trimester. Its near July now, and I am moving into third trimester in August. Just a few weeks more. I am talking to baby everyday, singing nice songs and reading meaningful scriptures to him. I am so looking forward to my baby boy's arrival!

Hubby said he wants to smell baby everyday before he goes to work and before he turns in to bed. He wants to put baby on his chest and let him sleep. I am so happy that I have a loving husband and a soon-to-be-born cute baby.

I do not want baby to be the smartest, the wealthiest, the highest achiever, the best in everything. I want him to be happy, healthy, mentally strong, and with all the right virtues to become the future leader of our world. As natural resources in our world depletes, the elitist and materialistic mindset of our current generation will no longer be adequate for survival. In a world like that, our future generation has got to be more open-minded, more flexible, more creative, and have more love in their heart in order to lead a happy and fulfilling life. That is what hubby and I believe in and that is what we will prepare our younger generation for.

Mid way into the pregnancy

Yesterday, we had a detail scan of baby done at Dr Ho's clinic at Mt Alvernia. I was really looking forward to this scan. We will be able to understand whether baby is normal and healthy, confirm the sex of baby, and we can see baby for a longer time on the screen.

Baby is doing well. They checked everything from head to toe. I kept hearing him say "stomach seen, kidney seen, heart etc etc..." Dr Ho say baby is normal, no abnormalities detected from the scan. We were relieved. In my first trimester, we were asked to take further testing after the Oscar scan because the result wasn't satisfactory. It seems Oscar scan was not accurate, and amniocentesis wasn't necessary at all. We were glad we did not take the 1% miscarriage risk that comes with amnio and saved up $900+ which is the cost of the test.

Thank God for the blessing!

I am very happy that I feel baby's movement and sometimes stronger kicks everyday. They usually come when I sit still or when I am lying down.

Mid way into the pregnancy, I am feeling much better. I had headache and slight nausea in the morning. Today, I vomited a bit of gastric juices after brushing my teeth. Other than that, I am able to function quite well. I can't imagine how I live through the horrifying first trimester. I felt like I had been sick for 3 whole months! Now, I am appreciating good health even more.

Hmm gan jie and I have yet to register for yoga class and the hospital tour and the antenatal classes. We should start that soon... So far, the only exercise I have been doing is the weekly swim. Swimming is not only good for my body, it keeps my mind calm too. I have not swam for ages and when I started that last month, my phobia of water came back. Yup, I have a phobia for water. I used to have panic attacks whenever I swam to the middle part of the deep pool where water is the deepest. Perhaps I had drowned in one of my past lives? I learnt to overcome it :) All phobias can be overcome! We kept to the mid depth pool as pregnant women tend to have more frequent leg cramps and we don't want to risk it. The more I swim, the more I am used to the rhythm and the less afraid I am. It is always mind over matter. Currently, I am enjoying the swim very much.

One thing to be thankful for is that the rashes have almost disappeared. I felt some itchiness sometimes but its not serious is its not an extensive skin area. I bought a tube of the medication just in case but I hope I never had to open it. I guess the good rest, relaxed mood and the chlorine from the swimming pool helps? Kill bacteria. Haha.

With the new flat renovation starting and lots of activities for my spiritual classes, life is getting busier, and I need to manage my time and stress level well during this critical period of pregnancy. The most important is to maintain a positive attitude and an open heart. I'm sure I will not be alone in this journey. Appreciate the kindness and good company from family and friends.

Baby's first moves

Excited and happy! I felt baby's first kick inside me!

Its not really a "kick". Its a slight movement like something round rubbing swiftly against my skin.

Told my hubby and mom. Mom said its like that when we feel baby move :)

Well, nausea is still a problem although not as much as before. As long as I rest more, and don't run around outside in the hot sun, I should be fun. I try to sleep late as much as possible to avoid the morning sickness which usually attacks in the morning. Yup, morning sickness don't just come in the morning. It used to affect me throughout the day in my first trimester.

The most irritating problem now is the rashes which pretty much cover my entire body. Sadly, they are now invading my tummy which has been cleared of rashes since I use the medication from my obstetrician. Using the medicine diligently now. Also taking cough med regularly but taking safe dosages for baby.

Happy all the same even though the symptoms that come with this pregnancy are really affecting my life. I'm glad I have helpful parents and loving hubby to help me maintain emotional wellness when I'm in physical discomfort.

Cost of having baby in private hospital

We chose Mt Alvernia instead of Thomson Medical although both are good choices. It happens that the nice obstetrician we decided to stick with is from Mt Alvernia and his clinic is located there.

Cost is alarming. Here's a breakdown since our visit in April:

9/4/11 - consultation + supplements = S$282.50

12/4/11 - Oscar scan = S$318.85

18/4/11 - Lab prenatal profile (blood test) + consultation + medication for rashes = S$346.72

5/5/11 - consultation + supplements + cough medicine = $231.23

Total already spent S$1179.30.

Subsequently, we are also going to take up a S$900 Antenatal package with our obstetrician which includes consultation fees, urine tests, weight measurements and routine scans.

Supplements and medicine are extra costs. Detailed ultrasound scans, hospital visits and postnatal consultation are also not included.

We have to pay $1300 (of which $600 is Medisave claimable) for delivery fee, assuming everything is normal, no need for forceps or caesarean.

Hospital staying charges will then be a separate cost:

$1270 for 4-bedded, and $1390 for double bedded, assuming normal delivery. I'm considering between these 2. These should be all Medisave claimable. Definitely won't be going for the single room ($2070) as I find it too expensive. Hope everything goes smoothly on that day, baby don't make me suffer from contraction pains for too long, and we can go home happily after a night's stay.

Swimming fun!

I had a good swimming session with gan jie yesterday. It was fun chatting, swimming and walking around in the middle pool. Don't want to go to the deep pool as we are both pregnant and not too keen and swimming too much. Walking around is fine. I heard its good for the spine and its good exercise for mummies-to-be. I think I shall make swimming a once a week exercise.

Unfortunately, I am having insomnia and strange dreams lately. Perhaps due to pregnancy? Its really troubling but no choice, I have to bear with it. I'm glad that I am no longer working and could sleep more in the morning. I couldn't imagine waking up early and struggling with work.

The good news is the morning sickness is much much lesser. My appetite has increased by leaps and bounds. From the looks of it, I'll be gaining some healthy weight soon! Losing 3 kg in the first 4 months of pregnancy is no joke!

17 weeks and 6 days into pregnancy

I'm now into 17th week of my pregnancy.

According to pregnancy guidelines, my baby is supposed to be 15cm CRL and weigh 200g. Previously, during first 3 months and way into the first half of the 4th month, I was still vomiting like crazy, so I lost 3kg and looked much thinner. The radiologist who did the oscar scan for me also said baby is about 2 days smaller. Haiz, heart pain. But luckily, now, I'm eating more. In fact, now at 12.48am midnight, I'm still hungry and asked hubby to heat up the Lor Mai Kai for me.

I'm nauseaous less often now because I try to sleep well pass 10am. From early morning to 10am is the critical period when I will be nauseous and likely to puke if I eat. So these few days, things are getting better. When I vomit, I also lost appetite. Perhaps its psychological. If I know I will vomit soon after eating, I won't feel like eating at all.

I hope so much that baby will be growing nice and healthy!

Next up, I'll be looking for pre-natal yoga classes, pre-natal classes at Mt Alvernia, my hospital of choice, and breastfeeding classes from a breastfeeding support group that a friend recommends. Even though I am now not working, life is not going to be boring! :) Will share those research with all in my blog when I have consolidated them.