Full term

Today, 1 Aug, baby Caitlin is finally full term. The waiting game begins now.

I wonder which date she will choose to arrive. Hehe. Excited!

I have an appointment with Dr Ho today. We'll be doing heart beat test. I'm eager to meet Caitlin and also because this heavy tummy is tiring me out. I wonder what her weight is now. My appetite is still good, and my tummy has been growing and growing even when she's close to full term. I guess appetite will decrease now that she has already grown to her appropriate size?

Symptoms at this stage:

• Frequent peeing and moving of bowels
• Increased vagina discharge. Sometimes it comes off as big lumps. 
• Fuller breasts. I squeezed. Still got milk although I stopped breastfeeding few months back.
• Insomnia but Kieran always managed to help me with this by making me too tired due to caring for him
• Tiredness
• Hunger (yes, now I still have cravings for food, usually in late afternoon)
• Nausea. That's why I do not dare to eat too much at one go even though I'm hungry.
• Tummy dropped much lower. When I sit down on my dining chair, my tummy touches my thigh. That's how low it is now! I guess Dr Ho will tell me baby is engaged today!
• Felt baby Caitlin giving me awefully strong kicks at top of my uterus, near the lungs, and felt her hicups where my pelvic bones are. So I guess she is still in her wonderful head down position. Please stay that way, dear baby!

Kieran is at school. Today he didn't cry much. He looked rather happy to go to school but he cried because he wants mummy to accompany him inside. I guess he likes the activities, toys and games he gets to play there, and the songs they sing. Just now I peeped in and saw him eating his bread by himself. Very obedient. And later on, after going to the coffee shop for tea and walking back, I peeped in again and saw him concentrating on his construction toys. He loves to assemble and disassemble things. That explains why he loves lego so much. Happy to see that he's not crying and doing activities in school.

Last night, he rolled a sticker in his palm and told me he's making "tang yuan" and its tang yuan that cannot be eaten. I guessed his teacher must have taught him that and they must be playing play dough.

Kieran's physcial growth spurt must have ended, but he seemed to be having a brain growth spurt. Nowadays, he couldn't stop talking and couldn't stop asking "what is this?" and he kept wanting to "read book, read book". I just made him recite di zi gui this morning coz he woke up early and he can recite the zong xu. Very happy. I sent the video to hubby and his grand aunt. They'll be proud of him :)

36 weeks 4 days

I'm still eating a lot. Although I had some nausea and breathlessness, that doesn't stop me from eating and eating. Eager to know baby's weight and whether she has engaged during this Thurday's check up. I'll be able to hear her heart beat that day. We are doing a heart beat test for 20 min.

I've a feeling she might be engaged as I've a feeling of something pressing down whenever I get contractions. Frightening feeling coz it feels like baby is being squeezed out.

She has damn strong kicks n punches. Really painful sometimes. I kept video records of her movements. Must show it to her when she's older.

It is 3am + and I couldnt sleep due to hunger. Ate a swissroll & drank milk & took my supplements. I have this feeling that this is preparing me for the middle of the night feeding when Caitlin arrives.

Dreading the newborn caring phase all over again but then again I'm excited and looking forward to seeing baby Caitlin. I just dreamt of her yesterday. She looks gentle and sweet and peaceful. When oh when will she arrive? 1 August or 8 August or right on the EDD 22 Aug?

Big baby?!

Oh my God!

I had this thought that baby was 2kg at 32 weeks but when I checked back again, I realised she's actually 1.6kg at 32 weeks!

At 32 weeks, she's 1.6kg, at 35 weeks she shoots up to 2.5kg. This means she grew 0.9kg in 3 weeks! At this rate, she'll be way past 3kg at full term! She'll be much heavier than Kieran at birth, and I'm still eating and eating and eating...

Her gor gor didn't reach 3kg at birth. I guess because that pregnancy wasn't easy. I vomited everyday for first 6 months, and I lost lots of weight. This time, I didn't vomit much. Only vomited max of 5 times in first trimester, not including the dreaded stomach flu which I contracted twice. Shudder...

35 weeks 5 days: sudden nausea

35 weeks and 5 days pregnant. Suddenly, this evening, I felt nausea and dizziness. Happened just before dinner.

I'm thankful that my mom is here to help. She helped to cook and shower Kieran, and I'm glad to hear Kieran happily running here and there, eating his dinner, eating his fruits and in very good mood playing with his toys although mummy couldn't be there to play with him. I was lying down all the while. I switched on Xin Jing to listen, and to let baby Caitlin listen, and lie down on bed, hoping the nauseating feeling will go away soon. My head was hurting too and I felt almost like I had in first trimester. I hope this won't happen again.

My mom helped me buy young coconut from Fairprice. Maybe I'll drink it tomorrow morning after Kieran goes to school.

Kieran is still not looking forward to school. Sigh. I hope one day he will tell me he wants to go to school and urge me to hurry up dress him and bring him to school to play with teachers and friends. His unwillingness to go to school also makes me reluctant to place him on longer hours.

I am initially interseted in Kinderland preschool as its near my parents' place. I had wanted to bring Kieran to the open house this Friday. But after finding out the school fees, I aborted the idea. It was $1600+ for term 4 last year. My goodness gracious! Its 3hr per day lesson with 1hr most likely used up for breakfast or lunch, and only 2 hr or less for actual lessons, and they want to charge this kind of price! I'd rather send Kieran to enrichment lessons like music and phonics with extra money.

This Thursday, I'm going out with friends. Leaving Kieran with my parents. I hope nothing will happen to Kieran. Pray hard!

And this Friday hubby suggested we can try to go to Circuit Road for dinner, as because of an accident, we couldn't go last week... But I think its kind of jinxed... not sure whether we should go. I'd rather keep Kieran safe and sound.

I'm not destined to enjoy anything...

Please let my son be safe. No illness and no injuries. That happens again and I'm really going to break down.

35 weeks

Baby Caitlin is 2.5kg at 35 weeks. Seen Dr Ho yesterday. He said baby is gaining weight steadily so its alright.

I should have eaten more red apples, should eat one everyday like how I do when I'm having Kieran so that baby will have good skin.

I should start to have young coconut juice now.

But very very tired. Nowadays too tired to do anything.

The toys are all over the floor and the baby room is not packed yet. No motivation these few days.

Feel like just taking a stroll somewhere. Feel like shopping at IKEA but then again, there isn't anything much to buy. Feel like having hubby accompanying me.

Having a lot of negative thoughts. Negativism is exhausting on the mind and spirit.

Looking forward to going out on a dinner outing with hubby without Kieran tomorrow. But not sure whether I'll be happy after eating the nice food, or if the food will be nice.

34 weeks 5 days

Here is me at 34 weeks and 5 days into my pregnancy.

Tummy doesn't seem to be very big. I didn't have very big tummy during my first pregnancy too, but I had water retention which made me look swollen. This time, hurray! No water retention and not much stretch marks too. But belly button popped out, sadly. Took one year to flatten back after first child birth and now its out again.

My baby Caitlin is kicking me more strongly now, as if she's protesting that there's no more space for her inside. I asked a friend who has a baby girl, whether her girl kicked her strongly too. I guess some girls are more gentle. She said her girl never gave her strong kicks, whereas her boy (she's pregnant with a boy) is now giving her strong karate kicks and punches very often. Hmm that means both my boy and girl are "violent" babies huh?!

Sadly I'm having flu now and I wake up with stuffy nose and sore throat everyday. When I sleep, I also had to bear with one side of my nose blocked, whichever side I'm lying on.

And I have to protect my tummy every time I hug Kieran to sleep because he likes to kick his legs before he doze off. I think some mummy somewhere must have invented some tummy protecting armour just for mummies with little toddlers.

My symptoms now are:

• Frequent urination. At night, I have to get up about 4 times to go toilet.
• Frequent contraction. I feel tummy tightening to become rock-hard, and sometimes if I'm lying down when it happens, I get backaches too.
• Aching legs. If I walk too much or stand for too long, it happens, usually at the end of the day. 
• Urge to drink water or beverage. I drink lots of liquid now. Listening to my body. I think its because my breasts are producing milk in preparation for baby.
• Cravings to eat sweet stuff but the urge is lesser now. Last few weeks, I guess baby had a growth spurt and everyday after 4pm, I was eating and eating and eating. My fridge suddenly became filled with food.
• Right side, upper thigh, and near to waist area hurts terribly if I sat down on the floor in one position for too long. I guess its sciatic nerve pain. Had that for first one too. It's getting increasingly difficult to get up from sitting on floor to standing position.
• Had insomnia sometimes. 
• Panicking about things occasionally... especially when I start to worry about what happens after baby is here, how we can adapt to another baby, and how to be control of my life when everything becomes chaotic once more.

I'm looking forward to seeing Dr Ho again this Thurs for 35th week review. Looking forward to seeing baby on the ultrasound monitor again. Every time I sees him, Dr Ho says everything is well. This pregnancy is too smooth sailing to be true. In fact, I never get extra fats, never had very nauseating symptoms or extreme exhaustion or that irritating eczema all over my body, like I had with my first.

Sick and rest needed!

This is so irritating! I am sick now, and I have been sick for very very long, and I desperately needed a rest!

The worst is I have to care for a sick toddler for past one week, and he didn't go to school, and my mom wasn't here to help full time, and this toddler is sticky only to his poor mummy.

And today, everyone had their own activities. Today is Sunday. We are supposed to go to my parents in law's house. Parents in laws are busy with activities and hubby is busy with activities, and so the care of baby is left to ME again! And I am sick. For goodness sake. This sucks.

Yesterday I took care of baby whole night too but that's ok as he never really cry much but I will try to let him self settle awhile and if he couldn't, I'll go to hug him. And hubby had to come into the room trying to help every time baby cries. This made me so irritated as I will feel obliged to have to go and take care of baby every time he cries, otherwise hubby will take over or carry him away. But I do not want him to carry him away. He CAN self settle at times! Carrying him away is not necessary to deal with it! He'll never learn to self settle if we kept doing it.

Woke up with runny nose and blocked nose that has already been bugging me the whole night (and actually for every nights for the past week), and that already made me feel so horrible. And I had to leak urine every time I sneeze (due to pregnancy- the hormones that relaxes the muscles and the heavy weighing down on the bladder)! I had to change pantyliners and wash the panties twice last night. And my throat was so parched during the middle of the night, I had to go and drink some water to relieve the dry itchiness.

All these and today, everyone tells me they have some kind of activities to be busy with and cannot help to take care of baby.

I wished to leave baby there for awhile and take a good break, and just focus on taking care of my own body for a change. And nobody will understand. Why can't a stay home mom get MC leaves? I'm going to go on strike today.

Everything just sucks to the max today.

Panic

I'm in my 34th week now. And I'm just starting to panic a little bit. There are quite a few things undone yet for preparation of baby Caitlin...

• Cleaning the playpen. Daddy has set it up last week and now I need to clean it. Thinking of using Dettol to wipe it and then clean it with new cloth wet with water.
• Sunning the mattress and washing the mattress covers.
• Washing Caitlin's new clothes. I've washed the hand me downs but the new clothes, not yet as I need to hand wash them and I'm a bit lazy to do that last few weeks, and also Kieran hasn't been going to school due to his flu so I don't really have the free time in the mornings to wash them.
• Packing baby room. My dad has passed me the toyogo plastic box and I need to pack and maybe repack the cabinets.
• Hospital bag half packed... I haven't pack in lots of stuff like my sleep wear and going home outfit and of course baby's new outfit and swaddle to go home in coz I haven't washed them yet. This time, my hospital bag is much much lighter than the one I brought when I had Kieran. I had experience now mah. No need for so many things. Haha.

This coming Thursday, I'm going to meet Dr Ho again for a baby scan and that will be my 35th week. I hope baby has grown bigger now. I hope she'll pass the 2kg mark.

And next Thursday, 25 July, I'm going to meet my mummies friends for shopping at Taka Baby fair and for high tea. That will be the last last last shopping and chatting session with friends before baby arrives. I'm grateful for my parents for agreeing readily to help me take care of Kieran when I need it. No complaints, no worries, just told me to go ahead and they'll take good care of my son, and also their precious grandson. Parents are God-sent angels in our lives :)

I'm also hoping to meet insurance agents to talk about buying health insurance for my little ones, and for myself too since I'm thinking of changing my current one to a better insurance policy.

And I'm hoping to go for a dinner or lunch date with hubby only (No baby tagging along) and enjoy a nice meal and couple time with hubby before baby arrives, and turn our lives happily upside down once again.

And if time allows, I'm hoping to get a pre natal massage too!

So much to do before baby comes! And if baby decides to pop at say 37th week which is her full term, I've only got 3 more weeks to go! And week 34 is ending soon... We don't have many weekends left. So... panicking now... Ok, I'll better wash those clothes and mattress at least by next week!

Pregnancy at 32 weeks

Mummy:

• Big and heavy tummy. Walking, sitting, and even lying down is uncomfortable!
• Aching back... ouch!
• Tummyaches. Ever since this pregnancy started, I've got a sensitive tummy. Don't remember that happening while I had Kieran. I couldn't take too much milk as I had mild lactose intolerance, I couldn't take raw things like eggs, and I just realised I had allergic reaction to kiwi fruits. I ate golden kiwi few months ago and I got a super tummy pain for hours. Today, I forgot about it and ate one small slice of green kiwi. My inner ears, the connecting part between ears and throat started to itch terribly, and I later got tummy ache too. I read online that this is an allergic reaction. 
• Two nights ago, I woke up with serious tummy ache. 
• Frequent urge to urinate. Last night, I visited the toilet 4 times at night. Sometimes, I can pee 10 minutes after just peeing. Sigh. Super troublesome.
• Having to carry Kieran when he's fussy. I've got no choice. I can't deny him of mummy's hugs even though I've a big tummy.
• Frequent tired feeling. Sometimes when I get tired and sleepy, I just need to nua and not do anything. My poor Kieran :(
• Sometimes, I feel energetic all of a sudden. 2 days ago, I felt great and I could do grocery shopping, mop the floor, wash baby clothes, and play with Kieran, and then yesterday, I suddenly felt sleepy and weak and couldn't do much. Unpredictable.
• Weight gained so far is 11kg.
• No signs of water retention, unlike first pregnancy when I have to remove my wedding ring and buy larger shoes because of swelling. And my face was swollen like pig too!
• No visible stretchmarks but I don't care much about these too. I had a few small light ones for first pregnancy and they faded within a year.

Baby:

• Baby Caitlin was 1.6kg at 32 weeks check up. Doctor said she's on the small side but she's ok, and I do not need to change my diet. I asked hubby whether I should eat some durians like what people say, to increase baby's weight. He said its ok. Big babies are not easy to give birth to too... hmm. I shall just wait a few weeks and see if baby weight increases.
• She's at a good position to give birth in. I hope she stays that way! Head down, face down.
• I'm counting her kicks everyday now. She's super active! And her favourite activity is to punch my bladder. Hurts!

Hubby:

• Hubby is lovely. He went to work late everyday so that he can help me send Kieran to school, and he has to get home late every night and that's really tiring.
• He massaged for me almost every night, unless Kieran made us both too tired and we only had energy left to wash up and go to bed.
• He's definitely looking forward to meeting our darling daughter. He talks to her almost everyday and asks her to be good.

Kieran (the soon to be big brother):

• Kieran is a darling. He knew a baby is in my tummy long time ago. He would point to baby picture and point to my tummy and told me its the same. 
• Sometimes I told him about baby in my tummy, he will tell baby to "get up" (and not keep staying in the tummy, I guess). 
• Yesterday, I told him to listen to mummy's tummy, and he curiously put his ear at my tummy. I asked him "what does mei mei say to you?" He listened intently but he couldn't hear anything. So I asked him, "Did mei mei say 'gor gor'?" He said "yes" happily and nowadays, whenever, I get him to listen to my tummy and asked him what mei mei say, he will say "gor gor." Hubby found that really amusing. Kieran really made our lives so much happier and much more fulfilling. Although he can make me feel super tired and aching all over my body, all the pain and challenges are worth it.

I'm so exhausted everyday taking care of toddler and handling the pregnancy woos. But I'm glad hubby and my parents are supportive and came to help everyday to help tide things through. I'm so looking forward to the day I hold little Caitlin in my arms. But I'm more looking forward to the day I need not carry the heavy tummy around anymore! At least when she's out, other people can do the carrying for me. But I'm remaining positive. I'm going to have a lovely little girl who will have all the attractive features of her daddy (I'm praying for that!), and in the future, my son and daughter will be great playmates. I think the future is bright and that keeps me going when the going gets tough. I look forward to seeing hubby's joy when he meets our daughter. He always wanted a daughter, and as Buddhists believe, a soul chooses to be a girl if it is closer to the father, and hubby always said he's not so good in yuan fen to have a soul choosing to be closer to him, but indeed he does. So I'm sure this experience will be much more special to him then to me.

3rd trimester tired mummy & smart 20 month old Kieran

3rd trimester.

The tiredness really sets in.

I'm glad my mom comes to help so that I can occasionally hide away in my room while Kieran is with her outside. Glad my dad and my mother in law comes to help too. I can't imagine being away from Kieran for long period of time.

The haze is terrible. Even now when the PSI level is lower and not as choking as few days ago, I still feel that the air quality is not good. I'm not letting Kieran go outdoors often and I myself wear N95 or a surgical mask if its not that bad, whenever I need to send Kieran to school or bring him back, or bring him to nearby shopping malls.

Kieran is getting really smart!

2 days ago, he shocked us by reciting the Di Zi Gui （弟子規）and he's only 20 months old!

I'll try to upload his super cute video soon. He could recite the first few verses:

弟子规　圣人训　首孝弟　次谨信
泛爱众　而亲仁　有余力　则学文

He can also recite the nursery rhyme:
三轮车  跑得快  上面坐个老太太
要五毛  给一块  你说奇怪不奇怪？

Hubby and I were laughing and feeling so happy when he recited all these. Kieran learns things very fast. We just casually taught him these and he picked them up so soon.


He also loves to sing and sings along whenever I sing him nursery rhyme songs. He will occasionally sings out wheel on the bus, twinkle twinkle little star and 一闪一闪亮晶晶. Its so interesting to hear him sing. Children really have super brains. Absorbs so fast! All the more I must be a good example and not teach him bad things. Or let him see me say or do bad things. There was once he kept saying 吃大便 (eat shit in mandarin) and hubby was very angry, and firmly told him no! and hit his palm. He said that the next day again and was scolded again. Not sure who taught him that as we didn't say it. Maybe papa accidentally said it and he picked it up. Parents are role models for our children and we've got to be careful of our thoughts and behaviours at all times. If I find my child is naughty, the first thing to do is to reflect upon myself (检视自己) as there must be things I have said or done, consciously or subconsciously that affects my beloved child. Understand oneself, understand the child, only then can one be a good parent. Parenthood is such a challenging and yet wonderful journey that I love!

Baby's head is engaged!

Baby's head is engaged

Today, I met Dr Ho for regular weekly check up again. He did a scan and immediately said baby's head is engaged. I had a feeling baby's head is already in my pelvic bone cavity even before he announced it because the usual symptoms:

1. Increase urge to urinate
2. Feeling baby has "lightened" and tummy looks like it dropped lower
3. Heavy feeling at tummy, walking more like penguin

applied to me over these few days.

Occipito posterior position

Unfortunately, he also said baby is engaged in a face up orientation. This is called the occipito posterior position, where usually, baby faces up when I lie down and his back faces my back towards either right or left side.

The problem with this is that whenever a contraction occurs, baby's head will be forced to tilt in such an angle that it hits against nerves at my spine which causes extreme backache. Dr Ho's suggestion is that I request for epidural once I felt that I cannot tahan the pain. I asked him usually how much dilated should I be when I request for epidural, and he said there's no hard and fast rule, but if I'm 3cm dilated, feeling super painful and there's a long way to go coz cervix dilate only 1cm per hour, then it is advisable to get epidural. If I'm too exhausted when it is time to push, it will be worse.

I asked him whether there's any chance baby will turn to the "correct" position which is face down. He didn't say there will be or there won't be. I guess I need a miracle... or some exercise I can do now to help. I read online that if I could be on my hands and knees for 20min 3 times a day and do pelvic tilt exercise 3 times a day, they can help baby turn face down.

A nurse who usually helped Dr Ho in the doctor's room told me not to worry, just go to pray more at religious hall for baby's head to turn. Hahaha. Everyone I met at Mt Alvernia is so nice and friendly.

Caesarean may not be necessary

He did not say a Caesarean is necessary so we assume it may not be. I read up online that a occipito posterior position does not require Caesarean unless there is fetal distress or other problems. However, like what Dr Ho warned us, it will be a difficult labour. The labour will last longer, the mother will feel more pain with each contraction, and it won't be easy for baby to come out. We placed our trust in Dr Ho. He is very experienced. Pray hard my baby will turn to the Occipito-Anterior position which ensures a higher chance of normal delivery. Aiyoh, most babies' presentation is head first and face down... why my little Kieran choose face up? I was once told my uterus, unlike most women's, is shaped vertically instead of horizontally, so my baby feel more comfortable in a sitting position than in a lying down position in early pregnancy. The radiologist told me during Oscar scan. Perhaps this influenced baby's position in late pregnancy too? I never asked coz hubby only thought of this and brought it up after we came out of the clinic.

More frequent visits to Obstetrician

Today is Thursday. I had to go back to see Dr Ho this Sat. He said he will see me more often, and not wait for a week to see me again because I have history of low fetal movement. My weight also dropped from 60.7 to 60kg today but I'm not sure why. I'm eating well. Perhaps I dressed in lighter clothing or perhaps I ate lesser for lunch today. The nurse said I have to do fetal heartbeat test for every visit (unless doctor say no need to) and its even more necessary today since my weight decreased. I lie down with 2 round disc strapped to my tummy and listen to baby's heartbeat for 20min. There's a record of baby's heartbeat on a chart. So far I've done 3 tests and all 3 are normal. Each test cost extra and are not included in the package though. But cost is not an issue when it comes to safety and health of baby.

Every night, when I lie down and feel baby moving inside me, I felt so nervous and I keep thinking about the labour and the process. As I was doing the heartbeat test in the quiet and small room just now, I felt my own heart beat increase as I imagine that perhaps doctor will advise me to give birth today due to some complications or he'll check and say I'm ready for childbirth already... I certainly do not feel I'm ready for labour yet! BUT I wish baby will come meet us sooner. My feelings are contradicting... I wish baby will give me a very clear sign that he is ready to be out, like some regular contractions or pain or mucous discharge, anything like that, then I will feel more ready to go for labour.

Scared again

This is pretty scary AGAIN...

Throughout the night, baby was moving around, stretching and jabbing and kicking me really hard. It felt as if he's not feeling comfy inside and is protesting! I talked to baby, trying to ask him to calm down and asked him to sleep well. But he still kicked hard. I felt sharp pain at the vagina area, perhaps due to his kicking or perhaps due to the cervix dilating as what my Mayo Clinic Preg book described. I also felt pressure at the rectum as he's dropping low now and when he stretched, he'll put pressure there. Advice from some of my mummies frens is that one symptom of labour is feeling pressure at rectum, urging us to push. I keep tossing and turning, going to washroom coz he's hitting my bladder too, and trying to feel if there's any gush of liquid indicating water bag burst. None of those happened. But I developed a headache which I experienced mildly for the past 2 days. Maybe I worry too much. I imagined the childbirth process and was so frightened by it. Then suddenly realized my breathing was too fast and hard, and I consciously tried to calm down by regulating my breathing.

I read online that during the last few weeks or days of preg, mummies will tend to move bowels more often. This is a way for our body to cleanse itself in preparation for labour. No wonder! I have been moving my bowels like at least 2 times and at most 3 times a day! I'm now 38 weeks and 2 days into pregnancy. Before that, during 2nd trimester, my bowels were affected so that I only go like once in about 2/3 days. Its due to slowing down of digestion for better absorption of nutrients during pregnancy.

Today, I could only sleep at 4+am. Hubby woke me up this morning when he wake up for work. I told him about last night and that today, I really couldn't wake up to accompany him for breakfast. Later, he came to talk to me before he leave for work and told me that Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple, had passed away. I hope Steve Jobs can find eternal peace wherever he is now. He is one great creative genius and he had created beautiful things for our world. I hope he goes to Heaven.

Today, I'm seeing Dr Ho again at 3.45pm and I'm glad Hubby is coming along. I told him this may be the last time that he can come along for check up. Baby may come anytime now. So he decided to leave office early and go with me. Its also good that he check out the new Registration Counter and Business Office because Mount Alvernia is currently under renovation and these places were shifted to temporary venues. I have yet to visit the Chapel yet which is temporarily relocated to level 5. I must remember to hand in the pre-registration form today... I wonder whether Dr Ho will check for dilation today... I hope not coz I read in forum that it could be painful and cause minor bleeding.

I can feel baby's coming anytime now and I hope he come quickly coz daddy and mummy are getting impatient! :D

Decreased movement

This is pretty scary... I got a real scare from baby on Monday morning. Every morning, by 10am he would have given me 10 kicks or movements but on Monday, no matter how I move, lie down, turn left or right side, shake my tummy, he refused to move. I was using computer early in the morning after accompanying hubby for breakfast and our usual morning chat. Hubby left for work and I was so busy at the computer that I didn't note baby's movement. We are supposed to take note of baby's movement since we wake up and he should complete 10 kicks a day. So I got a bit worried, stopped using the computer, and lied down on one side. Usually when I lie on one side, baby felt uncomfortable, felt pressure on that side and will start turning around or kicking to protest. But this time, it's all quiet. Then I stood up, walk around, went toilet, shook my tummy, bounce my tummy, drank water, still no movements...

I remembered that on Sat, I saw greenish vagina discharge, put these 2 incidences together and got more n more worried, so I called clinic. The nurse advised me to go down.

Gynae did heart beat test, scan and vagina infection test for me. He said we have natural bacteria in vagina. As long as there's no inflammation and/or pain, it's ok. The test today showed no infection. Phew!

He said fetal heartbeat looks normal but he has patients whom even though normal, experienced lesser fetal movement n baby heartbeat suddenly stopped. So he told me to do heartbeat test again tml morning. I was so scared n worried when he told me that. He said if I felt lesser movement tonight, I must admit myself immediately, don't wait until tomorrow. If not, we'll monitor tomorrow. And coz my baby is considered smaller at 2.6kg, he's not sure whether he's a healthy smaller baby or smaller coz there's prob so it's better to deliver baby early if we suspect any prob.

On Tues morning, as scheduled I went to see Dr Ho again but this time with a lighter heart because last night baby kicked me a lot and with big movements! I'm so happy to be kicked! Lol. On Tues morning, he's also moving a lot and I counted 10 movements by 10am.

Dr Ho did a heartbeat test and said it's normal. He explained we cannot rely solely on the heartbeat test because accuracy is 1/400. I may be among the few, and with his experience, he has seen several cases where baby heartbeat suddenly stopped at late stage of preg. He cannot pinpoint a reason and he has to deliver the baby but with really sad news. He told me he once had a patient who did not feel fetal movements for many days and stayed for many days in KKH to test fetal heartbeat. For many days, everything is normal but one day, baby's heartbeat just stopped! They did emergency caesarean but could not save baby. His opinion is, dun just rely on tests, monitor baby's movements, report abnormalities immediately and deliver baby early if need be!

Today he also reminded me to watch out for signs of labour because now I'm approaching EDD, it could be anytime. Oh, I'm so excited and nervous to think of the delivery date!!! It's all happening soon!!! I'm wondering how my labour would start? Would it be water bag burst, regular contractions or bloody show followed by the earlier 2 symptoms or... maybe he just won't come and I need to be induced? Hmm... we'll know in time!

Belly dropped lower

Belly dropped even lower this week. Every night, hubby helped me to do Butterfly stretch. When I sat on the floor (on a pillow), with my legs stretched to the Butterfly stretch post, I realized that my belly were touching my thighs already! Previously it was pretty high up and last week, it never touched my thighs when I do the stretch even though it dropped lower.

No wonder I had to go to the toilet 4 times last night! And some were pretty urgent.

Today, I keep feeling like going toilet even though I went just few minutes ago.

And maybe perhaps I've been switching on the air-con every night recently, my belly got more itchy than it was previously and I unconsciously scratched it too much. Lucky hubby woke me up and reminded me not to do that. I put on more moisturizer. But nowadays, my body temperature rises to really high level and I felt heated up easily so I desperately need the air-con more than anything else.

Last night, as I lie awake on my bed, I imagined myself in the delivery ward, trying to push baby out, imagined the horror of the cervix stretching and baby's head emerging... I imagined holding a soft and small little baby in my arms... Finally the day that all these will happen is arriving and yet I suddenly feel lost. I am supposed to do all these that I heard from people and watched in dramas? It's unbelievable. I read somewhere that God actually made childbirth painless until human committed some sin and we had to undergo painful childbirth. I think the same goes to the menstrual cramp I had, and the only benefit of pregnancy for my body is the absence of that cramp for 10 months. haha... but I guess gradually, we are used to the pain anyway. I envy those who had no menstrual cramp and little pain during childbirth. I wish I am the lucky few! I heard people say the uterus contraction which feels like menstrual cramp will hurt really badly after childbirth... what people call "afterpains". Sigh, pay back time for missing the 10 months of period. I really need the pain relief...

Baby Kieran Sia Yun Xuan

Finally, we've thought of a name for baby! His name will be Kieran Sia Yun Xuan 謝允軒.


Water retention came at early third trimester, I guess its some time in mid 7th month of preg. Comparing myself then and...

... now.
You can see my face has gotten rounder. What's worse is that my feet were swollen so much that my comfy Croc shoes feel a bit tight, and my swollen hands ache when I wake up in the morning. Fortunately, some friends recommend taking red bean soup or black bean soup to ease the water retention. It really works! My friends commented that my face isn't as swollen as before and my hands dun ache so much anymore :)

Oh if you are a vegetarian mummy like me and you can't take DHA from fish oil. I recommend this supplement:
Salesgirl at Guardian introduce this to me when I tried to buy Vitahealth Flaxseed Oil which I used to take but they no longer carry Vitahealth. This one is Nature's Essentials flaxseed oil in vegi-softgels and suitable for Vegans.

I've also bought a block of baby soap made from Lemongrass, Olive oil and other natural ingredients without preservatives added. Bought from an organics shop in Hougang. I forgot the name of the shop. The soap brand is Yuan, made in Taiwan. I thought it'll be good to give my baby paraben free soap to use. These preservatives may not be clinically harmful to our body now but who knows about years later? I left the soap at my parents-in-law's place where I'll be doing confinement so no pictures, so sorry. I'm so not looking forward to confinement :( but of course I'm looking forward to baby's arrival! Can't wait for him to arrive! 3 more weeks (or less) to go! I'm seeing gynae every week now.

Sharing another picture:

We took this at Istana when it was open for public during Hari Raya. Security was tight but the guards were nice. Pregnant ladies need not pass through the electronic scan. They got a lady guard to physically check me. Nothing much to check though. I wearing tight fitting clothes, don't look like I could hide any weapons inside and I only carry a small bag. Of course my hubby carried a lot more stuff haha, mainly his DSLR. On first impression, Istana was beautiful, filled with lush greenery and I love the graceful white swans at the pond. After walking through the place, I think it's more like a huge golf course, and I don't think the land is used very often. The Jap and Chinese gardens are crap... They only one small tiny area each growing supposedly Chinese or Jap looking plants and have slightly Chinese or Jap looking structures but if they never listed them as "gardens", I'll think its just a small patch of land/pond. Never get to see the former President Nathan though.

Insomnia

Today is the last day of 36th week. Last 2 nights were horrible. On Monday 3am to 5am, I had Braxton hicks contraction that lasted 1min+ each and with varying intervals. The intervals could be from 3min to 11min apart. So I couldn't sleep the whole night. Woke up intermittently to drag myself to the bathroom too. What's worse, from Monday night to Tuesday morning, I had insomnia, partly caused by me sleeping too much on Monday due to the tiring contractions the night before, and partly due to baby kicking, poking and jabbing me strongly the whole night. I guess my sleeping position disturbed him a lot. When I thought of lying down, I had phobia, really. Lying down caused a lot of aches to my back and sides. Before my belly becomes this heavy and big, I am ok with just putting a pillow behind me or lying on my side hugging a bolster. But now, its really difficult. I did all these but the aches just stay there.

I'm going to do some pelvic exercise before I sleep tonight and I'm going to try putting something at the arch of my back to prevent my spine from being stressed too much by the weight. Grrr this aching and sleeplessness really made me wish baby can quickly come. I cannot tahan 1 month of horrendous aches and insomnia anymore!

One good news though is that my new flat at Punggol Spring is nearly completed for moving in. Renovation finally completed last week. Made the final payment. I love our neat kitchen, our cozy little corner at the full length windows which overlook the Water Way and the baby room which will be done up nicely soon before we move in with our darling baby. Just now we went IKEA to get some furniture. We were rudely shocked with the delivery policy of IKEA which was not mentioned when we checked the website or when we asked the customer service officer before making payment. We were given 3 days of delivery to choose from, and after which we must pay $5 per day of extension! What's worse is their delivery timings are only from 10am to 2pm, and they couldn't specify exactly a range of time that they usually deliver to Punggol area. I have to stay at home and wait from 10am to 2pm on a weekday?! That's ridiculous! Grrr... I'm thinking of writing a complain letter to IKEA. They should improve their inflexible delivery service. It doesn't come cheap too! $55 for delivery above $300 of purchases and 6% of item price for assembly. Seriously...

Time to go back to bed again. I hope my back won't suffer too much tonight.

36 weeks and 4 days

Oh gosh! Baby is now hiccuping very violently inside me! I never like the feeling of baby hiccuping but at least it means our dear little one is learning to breath :)

Today is baby's 36 and 4th day since his conception. He is strong and tossing and turning, and kicking as he stretches inside me. I hope he remains so strong and not weaken in his movement like some babies do towards the end of preg when they get less space in the womb.

I just drank coconut juice bought from NTUC and had red and black bean soup on alternate days this week. The young coconut is supposed to help baby appear nicer with less blood streaks on his skin when he is born. The red bean soup and black bean soup helps in easing the water retention. I do feel that it's taking effect. My hands dun seem so swollen now.

Recently, I felt less breathless, and when I asked hubby, he said my tummy looks like it's lower. I guess baby has lightened! Unfortunately, I feel the urge to pee more often. Just now, I had to go to the washroom just 10 min after peeing, and I went about 4 times in an hour. In the middle night, I usually have to wake up 2-3 times to go washroom.

But I'm always always thirsty. If the craving for second trimester is food, the craving for late third trimester is liquid! I keep having to drink a lot. I hope that means I'm producing milk! My breasts feels tender, full and there's occasional tingling sensation at the nipples. These are exactly what the breastfeeding book describes. I'm glad I'm on track but some mothers are able to see colostrum (early milk) at this stage... I'm still not able to. I guess for first time moms, it's not easy for milk to come so easily. Some took 4 days after childbirth to produce milk. Lucky baby has fat reserves for 3 days after birth. I hope nobody will coerce me to feet infant formula, stating "not enough milk" as a reason! It's ridiculous how generations of infant formula marketing has successfully conned poor mothers into believing their own milk is inferior to something from animals and artificially produced from the lab. Do you know babies cannot take cow's milk and the scientists had to remove the fats and add in animal fats as replacement as this is easier for babies' digestion? Seriously, isn't it more intuitive and convenient to feed babies mothers' milk right from the breast? Not to mention the expensive infant formulas that we'll otherwise need to spend on. No animal in the animal kingdom is as troublesome as humans. Animal mothers take it as a natural instinct to breastfeed their babies. Only human beings need to go through buying the powdered milk, sterilizing the bottle, pouring warm water, cooling it, testing temperature, feeding baby with bottle, burbing baby coz when you use bottle, you introduce a lot of air (you do not need to burb a breastfeed baby because there is complete suction and thus no air introduced to baby), then putting baby to sleep and washing and sterilizing the bottle again. All these steps when actually all a mother need to do is to put baby to your breast and allow both to enjoy the unique bonding time.

I'm very thankful to my loving and supportive hubby. I am so touched when he searched YouTube for nappy folding techniques so he can help baby change nappy, accompanied me for every childbirth education course even though he needs to sacrifice work time and needs to work longer hours and put in extra effort on the following days, and read the Breastfeeding book we bought from Mt Alvernia by Sister Kang, so that he will understand more about breastfeeding and help me along when I need help.

Love hubby lots! Baby and I are fortunate :) No luxuries and material things in this world can be substitute for this love.

Although I still hope very much that we can get a car soon to help ferry baby around... I cannot imagine having to open and close baby pram while holding baby and carrying diaper bag when we go up and down a public transport. I really would just choose to stay home with baby. Unless baby needs to go out for vaccination which I guess we don't have a choice. Even now when I'm heavily pregnant, getting around without a car isn't easy. You don't always get nice ppl who give up seats and generally, the fast pace crowd at transport stations are a danger. Some people walk like zombies and some kids run around like the place is a park. Life sucks when you dun have a car. Sigh...

What to pack for hospital stay

These days, I'm finalizing the things to bring to hospital. I've written this list sometime ago and now, its time to put it into action and pack those stuff into my bag.

Nursing bras 3

Disposable breast pads 1 box

breast pump (may need to stimulate milk production) 1

disposable maternity panties 6

pajamas suitable for breastfeeding (open button) 4

going home wear 1

sweater 1

socks 2 pairs

sanitary pads (Pureen Madame maternity pads) 1 pack

slippers 1 pair

comb 1

hairband 1

towel

toothbrush

toothpaste

Anti rashes body wash (I have rashes and this is recommended by the doctor. Bringing it just in case I got rashes outbreak again. *Touchwood!*)

Shampoo (small bottle. Yes, I am not going to observe total confinement rules. I am going to wash my hair.)

Baby swaddle

1 set of baby clothes, mittens and booties

2 more sets of mittens and booties in case baby needs to stay in hospital for jaundice treatment

digital camera

documents for Medisave claim, birth cert registration and baby bonus application (to put in one folder and hubby to take note)

Gynae's letter

Hospital admission form

NRIC of husband and wife

Receipts of outpatient visits to gynae (to claim Medisave)

Original marriage certificate to register baby's name

Bankbook for baby bonus

$18 charged by ICA

$14 charged by hospital admin fee

For baby bonus, I think we will choose OCBC.

As for stem cells storage, I'm already in my 36th week of pregnancy but we really haven't decide whether to go for stem cells storage. I think I'll give the stem cord sales person a call and do the necessary stuff.

I'm so looking forward to baby's arrival! I've bought a Pearhead baby prints set from Mums and Babes which I can print baby's footprint and handprint on birth announcement cards. I also cut colored papers to fit the size of white square frames that I bought from IKEA some time ago so that I can print baby's hand and foot print and frame them up. I bought a scrapbook folder but no paper and designs yet coz I really don't want to spend money on those scrapbook items yet. So costly! Also got ready a log book to record baby's feeding time, pooing time and sleeping time.

Thinking about my newborn makes me so happy. I wish to see him in person real soon. He's an active little babe, tossing and turning and kicking me so frequently and sometimes so hard! I wish he look like his daddy coz my hubby has sharp features. Sharp nose, big eyes, curled eyelashes, dark skin and tall height is perfect for a boy.

I'm excited about his arrival and yet I am extremely afraid of the labour, especially now when I'm nearing the EDD. 36 weeks now... only 4 more weeks to go. Oh gosh... I'm feeling nervous just thinking about it... It doesn't help that one friend told me she had to deliver her son early (35weeks +) because she suddenly feel very frequent contractions and she had some spotting, and another friend when through long hours of labour, only to be told later that she must undergo Cesarean because baby's head cannot pass through her pelvis. And of course the pain of epidural injection, pain of labour contractions, afterpains, and episiotomy wound pain all make me worry and frightened. Oh gosh... there's so much to go through just to give birth. I've carried this baby inside me for nearly 9 months, and had to be so careful and make some sacrifices to ensure he is safe and well. I definitely hope the last lap will be a safe and smooth one.

6 weeks more to go!

I'm in my 34th week of pregnancy. Which means there's only 6 weeks more to go! Exciting! I'm looking forward to baby's arrival but I'm totally not looking forward to confinement. It's 1 month of pure torture to me. I'm sweating like crazy even in an aircon room now. I cannot imagine no fan and no bathing for 1 month. Whoever came up with such torturous tradition?! I'm not going to follow all the rules. It's crazy because we are staying in hot and humid Singapore. In the olden days, temperature in Singapore is much cooler, so it makes more sense to follow the rules. Not now when everyday is so hot. My mom said after she finished her confinement, she remembered it's Christmas Day and temperature is 20 deg celcius!!! Unless it's some kind of freak day, temp in Singapore will never drop to 20 deg celcius!

What have you, self centered ancestors done to our poor Earth since the industrial revolution? What have you done to make your pitiful descendants suffer so much? The unbearable heat and the pollution and all the cancer causing agents you released into our once clean atmosphere, just for your personal short term gain and comfort. I wish humankind had not been so greedy and had been a little bit more far-sighted and wiser.

I'm looking forward to taking bb home to Punggol new flat and spending time with him. There, where hubby and I spent so much time discussing, planning and decorating. Bringing baby home is the happiest. Of course I worry abt depression and housework when we go back because then, nobody will be there to help us but I think it's better than to stay at mother in law's place where I'll be doing confinement. I hate TV noises for one thing. They like to watch TV but at home, my TV was never on if I'm home. The radio and TV noises stresses me. I prefer quietness. Reading, surfing the net and other quiet activities made me happy. That's why I packed a pair of earplugs to go for my hospital stay and confinement.

I'll try out to see how this confinement goes. If it's really very stressful and there are a lot of conflicts and I got into depression or some unpleasant emotional moments, I'll not attempt confinement anymore for second baby. It's not worth it.

I find it sad too that there's social pressure for me to start work soon after baby's birth. I hope I don't have to do that. I want to spend as much time as possible with my baby, even until he's into his toddler years. Why can't you all let mothers just be mothers? Besides I'm not a person made to enjoy the stability of a 9 to 5 office job. I agree it's much better for family life but I really will get so jaded after a while of these stagnancy. I need excitement, adventures and something to stimulate my creativity every now and then. I remembered there were times I was so bored and frustrated that I plan holidays, and took up violin lessons, and thought of changing job. Everyone has a niche in this mosaic of our society and I really wish to be a creative arts industry. This has always been discouraged because I've potential to go university, I won't earn much if I study art, I'll become weird if I study too much art... All my parents' reasons. At this point, I do have a chance to right what was wrong with a tight budget of course, but it really depends on whether I can once again, take the society's demeaning glare, the disapproval of elders and the risks involved. What is a life really, if there are no dreams left to pursue and no challenges to overcome. If I just succumb to pressure now, there might never be another chance, and perhaps I will die with regrets and the message I will leave to my younger generations is that the world is a cruel and bitter place, and ambitions and dreams that do not fit into the social norms will not be encouraged. No, I do not want that to happen. I still, would like to embrace life and grow and learn, and lead my life the fulfilling way it was meant to be. I feel sorry for my parents, my husband and my future children that I am not the money-spinning career woman kind who would have benefitted them much more. But I have to make a choice to make them contented or to be true to myself. I think they would want the best for me, no matter how they dislike it. I'm sorry for being this defiant.

Today's post is more emotional than I wish it to be. I'll write about my hospital bag packing list and other baby stuff in my next post.

So long...

Postscript on 20 October, 2014 after being a mother for 3 years and having given birth to Kieran and Caitlin:
Looking back at my old post, I feel like a wiser woman reading the musings of a foolish, young and inexperienced lady. Oh, how I wish I could hug my former, anxious, immature self and tell her to relax and tell her that "look, I am your future, and your future, is beautiful is happy. No need for those opinionated musings and vengeful words. You will eventually grow wiser, and happier and you will see that happiness lies inside you and happiness lies in letting go, not in chasing dreams, not in the forms of the challenges, the adventures and the creativity that you once relentlessly seek."

Updates and some thoughts

Just realized the stupid supposed to be cheaper AMK shop cheat my money. The pillow cost only $4.90 at NTUC, they charge $10.90! Grrr I'm seriously not going back there anymore.

Btw, add in baby thermometer to the to buy list.

Having a baby is so expensive! Haiz. I'm glad hubby forces us both to save up more since we decided to settle down. I'm happy that from wedding to buying first flat to baby, we use our own money and never had to borrow from anyone.

I remembered only drawing $80 from the bank last week and now, I have $0 in my wallet again. Groan... I really must save up much more and stop indulging in more expensive food and transport. But haiz, the hot weather really tempts me to take a cab instead of waiting for the bus and train.

Childbirth education at Mt Alvernia

Today, I went for the physiotherapy course at Mt Alvernia. It is part of the childbirth education workshop we signed up for. Today's lesson is great. The friendly physiotherapist taught us about positions and breathing techniques we should adopt during different stages of labour. I asked her about the pain where my uterus hit the ribs. She said it should not be due to the stomach muscles straining. It should be due to baby/uterus pressing on my ribs. I guess she's right because when I lie down or stretch that area, the pain lessens. When I lie on my left because I heard that lying on left is better for baby, the area hurts because its the left side that hurts. When I lie on my right, the pain goes away. So it must be the uterus pressure relieved from the ribs when I lie on my right. I asked her for any exercise to help. She said I just have to wait until the pressure is gone which means when baby is no longer applying pressure on the area. I guess when lightening (baby dropping lower down into the pelvic area) occurs, the area will be more relieved of pressure and of course pain. I will also do more stretching that the yoga teacher teaches. Helps in alleviating the pain too.

Myths about breastfeeding

I realized many people have lots of things to say about breastfeeding which may not be the best for mummy and baby. Mother in law's friend told her that I should start to massage and press on my nipples now until liquid appears at the milk duct holes on the aerola so as to prepare the breasts for breast-feeding later on. On the contrary, if I stimulate my breasts, it will cause contractions and subsequently, premature birth of baby. I have to clarify this to MIL!

The friend also told her that its good to feed baby with formula milk at night so that mummy can rest and not have to wake up to breastfeed. I firmly told MIL that I won't! Lucky I have a very understanding MIL who doesn't only listen to what her friend(s) advises. I told her I don't mind waking up every 2-3 hours to breastfeed as long as this ensures my baby gets total breast milk. Formula milk can never replace breast milk. I explained to her that if I supplement with formula milk, my milk supply will decrease, I may get engorgement if milk is not expressed and baby will be very full on formula milk to ask for more breast milk. Ultimately, my breastmilk production will decrease and there will be no more for baby. Personally, I will kill anyone who suggest I supplement or replace with formula milk. I hope the nurse at Mt Alvernia will understand and bring baby to me for breastfeeding right after delivery and cleaning up. I heard that if baby is breastfed within 24hrs, he tends to remember the sucking action better and will latch on better.

MIL say baby needs water. But a baby on total breastfeed does not need water. Oh well, I told her a little bit is ok but when I bring baby home, I won't feed him any water. Feeding water to baby will cause him to feel artificially full and he won't be sucking breast milk and thus, won't get enough nutrients. I hope she won't keep thinking of giving baby water every time she feels he needs to. Baby's stomach is different from adult's. We are thirsty and requires water often doesn't mean baby needs water too.

I forgot to tell MIL that I intend to not breastfeed on schedule but on demand. That's why hubby and I bought a baby cot cum play pen for him to sleep in so that I can feed him while resting in the day or at night, whenever he wants to. Its too tiring to get out of bed and stoop down to hold baby up and breastfeed if he sleeps on mattress on the floor.

Yao lan causes brain damage?

MIL and my mom also heard from friends and TV programmes that if baby sleep in Yao Lan, baby will get brain damage. I would like to say that I won't rock baby like he's in a roller coaster, and I won't be letting him sleep in Yao Lan all night. Baby will ultimately still be sleeping on mattress. The Yao Lan is only for afternoon naps, or drinking milk/water from bottles when he is much older. So he won't get excessive rocking and he won't be brain damaged. Seriously, all 3 of us, my sisters and I slept in Yao Lan and we are all graduates. What brain damage?! I do agree that we cannot let baby sleep in Yao lan and rock him all night with the motor rocker. But I dun think people do that really. My parents never do that. Yao lan is only for day time naps. The cot, also, will only be a temporary measure because baby outgrows cot very fast. Its only for my convenience when I do breastfeeding for first 6 months. When baby is 6 months old, he can learn to eat solids already and dun have to breastfeed so often in the middle of the night.

Worries and fears

I really hope I can be a good mother to my baby. I am such an opinionated person... the inconvenience of confinement also will make me quick tempered... I'm the kind who will snap at people if I feel hot and sticky. So, I hope no unhappiness with happen during my confinement, especially since I'm doing confinement at parents in law's house. Sigh. Not the perfect option for me. I wish I dun have to do confinement because I like to be in control and during confinement, everyone will insists I rest and that means I can't be in control. Grrr... ok, I need to learn to relax... I dun think I'll ever leave my baby's side! Can't imagine I'm expected to rest at another room while MIL sleep with baby at another room. True that confinement is a time for mothers to rest after delivery but I think I'll hope it will end soon and I can bring baby home, and be in control of everything all over again. I seriously think I am at risk of post-natal blues or anxiety or something like that.

P/S: Two incidences that proves pregnant women's brain turn to jelly during pregnancy:

1. I forgot to take money from ATM after withdrawing. Lucky I remembered to take my card.

2. I was typing this post and when I wanted to type "course" I typed "cause", thought it was wrong spelling, deleted and suddenly forgot how to spell "course" until much later... -.-"